Safty plan breach

[ProudLovingFather]

Just to give a little context to my story I’ve been with my partner 17years I love her derely around 4years ago I realised my partner had started to drink quiet heavily and had become a reliant on achohol we have 4 children my eldest is 15 and youngest is 6 as time went on it went from early evening drinking then to morning drinking around 2 years ago she turned up to the school drunk I had to leave work to collect the children that’s when social services got involed as time went on and her drinking spiralled so did the arguing she would try to leave the home the kids would be crying asking me to stop her some times she couldn’t walk I’d physically have to restrain her something I’m not proud off and had never done before the problem is she’s a good mom she has mothered my children not me she loves them and they love her I do my bit but my partner dose all the mom bits any way we as her drinking got worse and more and more things were getting back to the school and the social we where put on a child protect plan which we done good on and was told a date and basically told it was closing even thought my partner still drank she had made improvements but the day before conference and the first day I put trust in her to have the kids on her own what dose she do gets drunk and we had an unanimous ed visit I was at work and missed my social workers call by 5 mins she rang the police and my partner was arrested for neglect I felt so bad putting the kids at risk any my partner has now been out the family home for around 3 months while she works on her self and hopefully gets better because she is a good person and a good mom it’s just drink has got a hold off her any sorry to go on my sociall workers manager wanted her to take it to plo but she fought my corner and managed to keep us on child protection with a safty plan in place which is that mom dosent have contact and remains out the family home last week I let my partner stay with the kids at home and breached my plan she wasn’t drunk I done it so the kids could see her they are crying there selfs to sleep atm specially my 2 little girls I’m so worried atm

[Winter25]

I have just read your story, and my heart goes out to you. It is clear how much you love your partner and your children, and you are trying to hold everything together in an unbelievably painful and difficult situation. The love you have for your partner as a person and a mother shines through, and it is completely understandable why you wanted your children to see her.

However, you have correctly identified that you are now in a very dangerous position. The other posters have given you the hard truth of how social services will see this. I want to break down the situation strategically and give you a clear plan to protect your family, because what you do right now is the most important thing.

The Hard Truth: Understanding Their Perspective
You must understand how a social worker will see this situation:

Broken Trust: You were put in a position of trust as the protective parent, and by breaking the safety plan, you have broken that trust.

Prioritising Partner Over Children: They will argue that by letting your partner stay over, you prioritised your and your children's desire to see her over their safety, as defined by the plan.

Risk of Removal: The fact that your social worker fought to keep your case out of PLO (Public Law Outline) means you were already on the edge of care proceedings. A breach of this nature gives the manager who wanted to escalate a powerful reason to say, "I was right, the father cannot be trusted, we need to go to court and remove the children to ensure their safety."

I am not saying this to scare you, but because you need to understand the gravity of the situation to be able to fight it effectively.

Your Urgent Damage Control Plan
You cannot hide this. You must get ahead of it and control the narrative. Lying or hoping they don't find out will be catastrophic if they discover it from another source (like the school).

Step 1: Get Legal Advice. Today.
Before you do anything else, you need to speak to a solicitor who specialises in child protection law. You can find one through the Law Society website. Tell them exactly what has happened. You need a lawyer in your corner before you speak to social services.

Step 2: Proactive Disclosure (With Your Solicitor's Guidance)
This is a high-risk, high-reward strategy that you must discuss with your solicitor, but it is likely your only safe option. You need to contact the social worker yourself and tell them what happened.

The Narrative: With your solicitor's help, you frame it like this: "I am calling to be completely honest with you. I made a serious error in judgment. The children were deeply distressed and crying themselves to sleep, and in a moment of weakness, I allowed their mum to stay over last week to try and comfort them. I made sure she was sober, but I know that I breached the safety plan and broke your trust. It was a mistake, it will not happen again, and I have already sought legal advice to ensure I do everything correctly from now on. I am ready to work with you on any new plan required to prove that I can and will keep my children safe."

Why this can work: By going to them, you are taking away their biggest weapon (the "gotcha" moment of discovery). You are demonstrating (belatedly) some insight into your mistake and showing that you are now taking it with the utmost seriousness by seeking legal advice. It is a desperate move, but it is much better than them finding out on their own.

Step 3: Your Partner's Role
For any of this to work, your partner must also show she is committed to change. She needs to be actively engaged with services like Alcoholics Anonymous or a local substance misuse service. Evidence of her engagement is crucial to show that the risk is being addressed.

You are in a terrifying position, but your love for your family is clear. You made a mistake for loving reasons, but now you must be smart and strategic to fix it. Get legal advice, get ahead of the story, and show them that you are the protective father you have always been.
=====================================================================================================
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Just to give a little context to my story I’ve been with my partner 17years I love her derely around 4years ago I realised my partner had started to drink quiet heavily and had become a reliant on achohol we have 4 children my eldest is 15 and youngest is 6 as time went on it went from early evening drinking then to morning drinking around 2 years ago she turned up to the school drunk I had to leave work to collect the children that’s when social services got involed as time went on and her drinking spiralled so did the arguing she would try to leave the home the kids would be crying asking me to stop her some times she couldn’t walk I’d physically have to restrain her something I’m not proud off and had never done before the problem is she’s a good mom she has mothered my children not me she loves them and they love her I do my bit but my partner dose all the mom bits any way we as her drinking got worse and more and more things were getting back to the school and the social we where put on a child protect plan which we done good on and was told a date and basically told it was closing even thought my partner still drank she had made improvements but the day before conference and the first day I put trust in her to have the kids on her own what dose she do gets drunk and we had an unanimous ed visit I was at work and missed my social workers call by 5 mins she rang the police and my partner was arrested for neglect I felt so bad putting the kids at risk any my partner has now been out the family home for around 3 months while she works on her self and hopefully gets better because she is a good person and a good mom it’s just drink has got a hold off her any sorry to go on my sociall workers manager wanted her to take it to plo but she fought my corner and managed to keep us on child protection with a safty plan in place which is that mom dosent have contact and remains out the family home last week I let my partner stay with the kids at home and breached my plan she wasn’t drunk I done it so the kids could see her they are crying there selfs to sleep atm specially my 2 little girls I’m so worried atm

Dear ProudLovingFather

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you and your family are going through. You explain that there is a child protection plan in place for your 4 children who are aged 6 to 15. This is because your partner has alcohol misuse problems which resulted in arguments at home and caused the children distress. You describe how she made considerable progress, and the child protection plan was due to end until she became intoxicated when she was allowed to be unsupervised with the children and was subsequently arrested by the police for neglect. You don’t say what is happening with the criminal investigation and whether your partner is under bail conditions.

You have continued to work with children’s services under a child protection plan although there was a suggestion of moving to pre-proceedings. The current child protection plan states that that the children’s mother should have no contact with the children and requires her to remain living outside the home.

You are now very worried as you allowed your partner to stay with the children in your family home last week as she was not drunk and the children were missing her. Unfortunately, this means that the safety plan was breached which is causing you a lot of anxiety.

It is a positive that you know that it was not a good idea to allow your partner to stay with the children without the agreement of children’s services and that you are seeking advice about what to do. This shows that you understand the importance of the safety plan and that you want to try to put things right.

My advice will focus on the need for you to share this information with the social worker. However, I am not sure if your partner is still under bail conditions, you will know if she is, so please bear in mind that there can be criminal consequences if bail conditions are breached. She may want to get legal advice from a criminal solicitor about this.

From the point of view of the child protection process, you regret breaching the plan although you are clear that you assessed the safety of the situation as your partner was sober and behaving well. It sems that she managed well as you don’t describe any difficulties. But it is best for you to explain what happened to the social worker first rather than her hearing it from someone else, or the children being worried or feeling that they have to keep a secret. It sounds as if you have worked well with the social worker and that she ‘fought your corner’ in the past so she is likely to appreciate your openness in letting her know. Social workers can work best with families when parents keep them informed and can discuss decisions or mistakes, they have made. It may also be reassuring for her to know that nothing of concern happened. You should ask the social worker to let you know what their response is to this and what they would like you to do.

I hope that you will feel able to do this and sooner rather than later. The stress of worrying about the situation is not good for you or the children.

I hope that this is helpful for you.

If you have any further queries then please post back on this forum, call our freephone advice line to speak to an adviser or use our advice enquiry form or webchat.

Please see details below of a couple of services that may be of interest to you as they support parents dealing with family issues or where a family member has alcohol misuse difficulties:

Family Line
Adfam

Best wishes

Suzie

[ProudLovingFather]

Thank you so much for your reply I truly appreciate it my partner had her bail conditions closed over a month ago so she didn't breach any legal proceedings it's just I breached the safety plan IAM a good person I would never allow my kids around there mom drunk again under any circumstances allow the kids to put in danger again although I've always been honest with my social worker and had stuck to the plan for around 6-7 weeks it's just her bail but the investigation is still on going I was just doing what I thought right for the kids as they contiously ask about mom prior to this mom done everything for them and all I get off my social worker is if I let mom home they will think I'm putting my relationship before my kids but that isn't the case I let her back for the kids to be happy I will build my confidence this week I don't won't my kids to have to lie and tell her I allowed mom to stay home do I approach it and how do I put it thanks Paul

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear ProudLovingFather

Thank you for your follow up post and for clarifying your partner’s bail position.
As advised, you are going to inform the social worker that you let your partner stay overnight at the family home which goes against the agreed safety plan for the children. You are seeking advice on how to approach this.

I advise you to be open and transparent with the social worker. I would suggest two different approaches for you to consider.

1) Write an email to the social worker and their team manager, to set out your rationale for allowing your partner to stay overnight, include why you made this decision and how you risk assessed the situation (mother not under the influence of alcohol). Explain that with hindsight you can see you made the wrong decision albeit for what you felt were the right reasons (alleviating stress for your children). Clarify that this is not something you would do again. That moving forward you would like support to help you to explain to the children why their mother cannot stay within the family home.

2) You ask for a meeting with the social worker and their team manager to inform of the breach, setting out (as above) the reasons for this and why, with hindsight, you would not do this again. If you take this approach you may wish to seek support from a trusted family member or friend. I would also suggest you write out bullet points to discuss with the social worker to support you to cover all the topics you wish to discuss.

Children’s services will be concerned by the breach and may consider escalation to Public Law Outline (PLO). If they do, then once you have written confirmation of this you would need to appoint a solicitor for representation. Once this process is started you will be entitled to free legal aid under a legal aid certificate. Please see HERE for the PLO process and HERE for care and related proceedings.

Whilst it may be difficult to think about, I suggest you start to consider who might care for your children if it is decided they cannot stay with you or your partner whilst further assessments are completed. Children’s services have a duty to look within a child’s family network before placing outside.

To support you and your children at this difficult time, I wonder whether a family group conference has been suggested or facilitated. A family group conference is a family-led decision-making meeting. A child’s wider family and support network come together to develop a plan to support a child and keep them safe. This network may include grandparents, aunts and uncles and sometimes close family friends. The meeting is supported and facilitated by a trained and skilled independent coordinator. They help the family prepare for the meeting and attend to support. Please do speak to the social worker/team manager and your legal representative if you go down this route. If it has not then I suggest you discuss this with the allocated social worker and your solicitor if one is appointed.

Best wishes, Suzie