Is this something that social services may pick up on?

[Cliffbirds]

I have 5 children who live at home with me, ages 19 down to 4. I separated from my husband (father to the children) around 6 months ago.

I started seeing a new guy. He has been in prison for domestic abuse. He never hit her but he was harassing her after they separated because she cheated and he wanted her to admit it. He argued with her in public. He sent her messages which were threatening. He was in court once and told to stay away from her and given community service hours to do. He claims (I say this as there is 2 sides to every story) that she kept contacting him, asking to fix things etc, and then when they had another argument she called the police on him. He ended up back in court and because he had broken the non contact order and hadn’t done his community service he was sentenced to 8 months. He did 4 and was then released.

He has been open about this and doesn’t get annoyed or anything when I have asked about it. He also doesn’t blame her or anything like that. He hasn’t told me much about her but the mother of his children has said the woman was also doing things to him, damaging things belonging to his children etc. The mother of his children also says she doesn’t think he is like this and has never had any sort of issue with him.

I came across this forum when I was googling about partners with previous domestic abuse charges and see a lot of people saying social services are involved. So what I want to know is, if I continue seeing this guy, would social services be concerned for my children? He won’t ever live with me as he has 3 children and they regularly stay with him so it wouldn’t be practical. He also has contact with his own children whenever he wants which makes me assume he is not a risk to children.

I have never had social services involved with my family.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Cliffbirds

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

You don’t have any current children’s services’ involvement but are worried that they may become involved due to your new partner’s history as he has a conviction for domestic abuse . It is worrying that he breached a court order (the non molestation order ), failed to do his community service and then had another ‘argument’ which lead to police being called. This could suggest that he did not take responsibility for his actions or acknowledge that a court had made an order to protect his ex-partner. Although he denies any physical violence he admits to harassment and threatening behaviour. This could be seen as coercive and controlling behaviour.

I would suggest that you consider doing a Clare’s Law disclosure application so that you can clarify with the police what relevant information they hold about him and so that you can make an informed decision about whether he may pose a risk of harm to you or your children. The link attached is for the Met police scheme but your local police authority will also have a similar scheme which you should be able to find online or via a local domestic abuse charity. It is good that your partner has told you about his conviction but it is possible that he may not have told you everything; this is a way that you could be more confident that you have all the relevant information to help you weigh up any potential risk.

I cannot predict if children’s services will become involved. They become involved if they receive a referral suggesting that children could be in need or at risk of harm. In many situations this follows a police call out to a domestic violence incident. Or sometimes it can be where a child is distressed about behaviour they are witnessing at home or a professional, family member or neighbour is worried about them.

You have not stated that your partner has been abusive to you and he does not live with you or your children. However, past abusive behaviour can be an indicator of future behaviour. Has your partner completed any perpetrator programmes when he was in prison or since?

He continues to have a relationship with his own children. He probably has parental responsibility for his children though which would mean that he has a right to contact with them unless a court decides that is not safe for them or if there was a child protection plan recommending that this does not happen. He does not have any rights in relation to your children though. You are the decision maker for them as is their father. It is possible that your ex-husband might be worried about your partner’s history.

If children’s services become involved, then please see this information here about what they do.

You may also find our domestic abuse resources and useful links to specialist services helpful.

I hope this has been useful to you.

If a social worker becomes involved and you need further advice or information please post back or call Family Rights Group’s freephone advice service on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm (except bank holidays).

Best wishes

Suzie

[Cliffbirds]

Thank you for your reply Suzie.

I am in Scotland so I’m not sure if anything is different here in regards to finding out what he has done. I recall looking at it in the past but never did the application and it said that police wouldn’t give out details, they would only tell you if the person is considered a risk or not. Is this correct?

I don’t know if he has completed any perpetrator programmes. I haven’t asked him.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Cliffbirds
Thank you for the further information. This link HERE will take you to the Disclosure Scheme for Domestic Abuse Scotland. There is a helpful short film that discusses how to make an application, what the process is and the type and level of information shared.

Best wishes, Suzie