Partner on sex offenders register for 7 years

[Mcmillan93]

Hi all I'm new here and wishing I would of found this online forum last year kind of for advice and support this is quite a long one. Last year June 2022, my partner of 5 years got arrested at 6am in the morning obviously with someone knocking on my door at that time I knew not to answer as it was out of character like who knocks on at 6am? I know it wasn't for me I thought it's got to be for him just left it until I heard the door open and heard a man should up asking to come down the stairs it's the police. I said to him my exact words was what the *** you go in thought maybe it's something to do with work? Or maybe his car? I don't no well anyways he came bk up with two under cover coppes behind him I lived in a upstairs flat at time I was like what the hell is *** going on they took him in to my living room and told me to stay in the kitchen said they can't explain to me what's going on right now but it's nothing to do with you it's *** they was there for they asked did I have children I said yes a daughter who is 2 and two sons 6, and 1 years old they said you'll know more later in this case social services will be notified and you'll probably have a call out sometime today *** is being arrested over communications with a minor I felt absolutely sick to my stomach they took him out my flat that was it I had 3 kids still sleeping in their beds I was crying my eyes out but had to sort myself out for my kids and I had the school run and nursery run to do it's not been easy at all I've been depressed suicidal the lot he got bailed later that day police brought him round for him to collect his stuff he was told he wasn't allowed bk to the family home so anyways he had go stay at his dad's I only thought he'd be on bail a month at that each month came after June and it's just been bail, bail, bail 7 months till January then after he went to the police station to sign register he was found guilty and had to go to court he got charged with sexual communications with a minor has to do probation 2 years and on the shopo sex offenders register 7 years like don't get me wrong I was disgusted in all he did said the most disgusting things to him I was hurt I knew this person 11 years and we'd been freshly back together 5 years as we was apart when our first son was born but i thought everything was good we was happy we moved to a different part of the UK he had a great job I don't no why or what went through his head we are still currently living apart it's been 13 months now of hell I understand what he's done we can't have a relationship it anything we are more friends children love him only still have social services involved where they have stated he's still not allowed in the house, he's not even allowed in my back garden, he's not allowed near children, he's not allowed unsupervised visits they have said I have to supervise him I do that at all times! So anyways 9 to 10 months it took from being on bail to actually getting convicted so yea I've had nearly a year to process all this I emailed my social worker to tell her that he's been convicted as she would always ask me what going on in 13 months I feel as if I've done the social services job for them it was me from the very start pushing her to have a meeting with him and he did he went to social services bit was me that said he should be involved in the children in need meetings at school and it was me who asked could he come in the house if it keeps them happy I'll even supply cameras in the rooms they say he isn't a risk to him children he's scored low risk with probation it's his first ever offence so anyways when I tell this stuck up social worker that he's got his punishment and basically I still want to be with him she turns around on email and goes so your telling me that you want to be with someone who is convicted sex offender and is on the reg for 7 years that's exactly what she put this unprofessional social worker was the one who encouraged me to let him see his kids if I wanted to be with him it's not for them to judge and if you try be a family have days out with him and the children then in these school meetings she says Infront of the shopo guy, early help, and the safe guarding teacher at school that I'm not taking this seriously and that I'm being manipulated she was also going on to school to see my eldest son to have meetings without my say so and filling his head with all sorts she told him that dad was online trying to have sex with teenagers and on dating sites it's not something I want to tell my children not ever unless I really have to I'm not justify what he's done but I can't doubt him as a dad never done anything wrong he's brilliant how can't we be 13 months in and still no closer to him coming home?? Sick of everything now doesn't help that social worker dropped me last minute walked out her job 8 weeks I've been without one to say that this currpt social worker out my child high risk children in need but just know I've never had social services at my door or involved in my life it's obviously because of partners crimes and children involved I no I have a new one now she came out last week after 2 months of not having noone she came for 10 minutes like is my life a joke?? Also it's not easy where I live I've had people ringing the police out to my house saying they have concerns for the welfare of my children I've had anonymous calls to social services saying that he's sleeping in my house also had anonymous calls to the school my child goes to where someone has been malicious and said a man walked him to school I've had an under cover police man sat outside my house on a few occasions the actual copper who originally arrested him because of these spiteful calls well he came in my house I told him to look around he wouldn't because he didn't once see his car on this street and took my word for it because he knew he lived at his dad's as he's also been outside his dad's house and his car was therebhonestly the **** you get when you move just around the corner on to a new street where everyone knows what has happened it's awful honestly you wouldn't believe how draining life is at the minute I'm exhausted being me I feel like I'm constantly fighting every idiot I'm trying my best by myself not nice either when horrible kids bully my son and say to him your dad is a nonce like wow...it's clearly all coming from the parents because I wouldn't even no that word at 8 years old I feel like my son is getting mental health he not concentrating at school his anxiety is through the roof not nice to see I'm trying my best to get out this house I'm praying for a miracle I want a fresh start for my children a new school away from here hurting my heart for my kids I don't want my 2 youngest going through this either

(EDITED by Suzie for confidentiality)

[Mcmillan93]

Also didn't add this bit I no it's still serious his crimes but it wasn't a child it was an under cover police man pretending to be a 13 old girl called *** I no it's still with intent it was messages not no exactly what was said all I no is that there was no sexual pictures sent

(EDITED by Suzie for confidentiality)

[Mcmillan93]

Also can I just ask in 13 months now that this has gone on social involvement with my children well everytime they assessments on my kids they tell me there's no issues or concerns about the children school don't have any issues and neither do playgroup my other 2 attend so I really don't no why the hell they are still on my back when I've not lived with their dad for nearly 14 months now he's still living at his dad's house since the first day he got arrested June 2022, and now we are in 17th July 2023 he sees his kids onec a week supervise by me we have to either go for a walk to the park or we go out for something to eat just so he can see his kids

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mcmillan93,

Thank you for your posts. I am sorry to hear about the really difficult time that you have been going through and I hope that the following advice and information is of some help to you.

You say that your partner has been convicted and is now on the sex offender register. From the information you have given I think that your children are on a child in need plan. You can find more information about child in need plans by clicking on the link above.

You say that your partner has not been living in your house for 14 months since his arrest and you are unsure why children’s services are still involved. You also say that you would like to be back in a relationship with him and have told the social worker this. The social worker has said that they are worried you are being manipulated by him. They may also be concerned that if they close their involvement he may move back into your house where he may pose a risk to your children.

You mention that your partner has been scored as ‘low risk’ – I think it would be helpful for you to speak with the social worker about this and ask whether this assessment is accepted by children’s services and what this means in terms of his contact with children. You could also ask if there are any other assessments that could be completed about the risk he might pose. The Lucy Faithful Foundation may be able to offer a risk assessment for example. They have a helpline on 0808 1000 900 which might be useful for you to call. Children’s services should be working with you and your partner to try and get to a point where they feel that the children are safe enough that they can close their involvement. It sounds like you are not clear about what they expect from you so that this can happen. I would advise you to ask the social worker (and perhaps their manager) to clearly explain what they think needs to happen so that you can work towards the case being closed.

We have information on our website HERE about children’s services involvement when there is a concern about child sexual abuse. You might find it helpful to read through the information on these pages.

ACTSFAST and Talking Forward provide support and advice to families who are affected by this issue. Safer Lives may also be able to offer support to your partner.

You mention that you are worried about your son’s mental health. I would advise that you speak with the safeguarding lead from the school about this to explore whether there is anything the school can put in place to help him there. You can also discuss these concerns in the child in need meetings and ask the social worker to consider what other services might be available to support him (when children have serious mental health concerns a referral to CAMHS should be made). Young Minds have a helpline on 0808 802 5544 which support parents who are concerned about their children’s mental health. They also have a webchat service. We have information on our website HERE about children’s services involvement and child mental ill health.

You also say that the social worker assigned to your case left and you were not visited for 2 months (and then the new social worker only came for 10 minutes). I would advise you to speak with the team manager about this as it is poor practice for such a long gap to be left between visits and very little could have been done in a 10 minute visit. You could put in a formal complaint if you wish to do so. We have information on our website HERE about making formal complaints.

I hope that this is helpful. Please post again if you have any further queries or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm). We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Wednesday afternoons.

Best wishes,
Suzie