Previous child adopted

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear RabsDonn16

Welcome to Family Rights Group parents’ discussion forum.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I see from your post that you are very concerned about children’s services involvement with you following previous involvement when your son was adopted.

You are now worried that children’s services will focus on the past rather than where you and your partner are now. I think it is important for you to understand that whilst the history should not be relied upon by children’s services it does have to inform their assessment of you now. What I mean by that is that in looking at where you are now, they look at how things were before and what changes significant or otherwise have been made.

A child protection plan is usually considered after an assessment is carried out and there are concerns that a child or unborn baby may be at risk of significant harm. This decision is usually made after s47 child protection enquiries are carried out and an initial child protection conference held. If, as you say, there are changes from how you were to how you are now this will be taken into account. Other professionals other than the social worker will be involved in the decision making.

You mention that you are a care experienced person, and you may find it helpful to contact Become on 0800 023 2033, this organisation advises and support care experienced persons who are involved with children’s services.

I understand that this is a difficult and worrying time for you, but it is important that you do your best to engage positively with children’s services. At the very least, it will show a change in how you respond to their involvement. You may also find it helpful to for read our guide guide about working with social workers.

There is also information on our website for parents to be which you can read here for more details.

You may wish to speak with one of our experienced advisers about your situation and, if so, you can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays)

Hope this information is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear RabsDonn16

Thank you for your update.

From what you have written I understand that communicating with the social worker is difficult for you because you are finding it hard to trust them. Perhaps, you could explain your feelings to them again and ask whether their manager (or a manager) can be present when (or if) you have any future meetings with them.

Please do have a look at the tips about working with social workers that we sent you recently, for your convenience here it is, I hope it will be helpful.

Best wishes
Suzie

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear RabsDonn16

Thank you for posting again.

You have written two very lengthy posts but do not appear to be asking for any specific advice. I can see from your posts that you are feeling frustrated with children’s services intervention with you and your partner as you do not believe you require any support from them. As far as you are concerned you and your partner are doing well and able to safeguard your unborn baby and will be when she arrives.

An initial child protection conference took place, and your unborn baby is on a child protection plan. It is very important that you work with the plan and do what is asked of you both. Although you disagree the professionals at the conference considered there was sufficient concerns for a child protection plan to be put in place. You may find it helpful to read the information from our website relating to child protection . It is important that you show you have an understanding of the concerns that led to children's services becoming involved with you and your partner.

Failing to work with the plan and the professionals involved could mean that the pre-birth plan could be that children’s services apply to the court once your baby arrives. You have said you plan to do what is asked of you and I suggest you do your best. Although you state in your post you are a private person try to work openly and honestly with children’s services. If there are issues you want to clarify your solicitor will be able to advise you. Here are a couple of working with guides from our website; working with a social worker and working with a solicitor which I believe you will find helpful.

Having said this, it does not mean you cannot ask the social worker to work with you in an open and transparent way as well as provided for in the guide Guide Working Together to Safeguard Children. You can read about s.47 child protection enquiries from page 44.

I hope you will find this helpful.

Best wishes
Suzie

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

I have had a conference today, they have put us on CP and review is for 11 December. There was a few things that they recommended we do which is fine, some I'd like to do during my pregnancy, even if they want us to start after birth, but I was very much right about the way this social worker didn't mention all the reports, not only that she based that information on assumptions & then how she has tried to prolong everything. I don't want them around me any longer than they need to be. I don't need Thier support for anything when there are services that provide support as and when needed. I'd also like to add how a midwife at the conference said when I was defending myself and my partner against these assumptions she had made a comment of me being trauma responsive, being defensive. Now Mental Health team from last year had said to me there's nothing wrong with me and I have not been diagnosed with any mental health condition or had any issues in regards to my mental health. And they kept commenting on my mental well-being throughout the meeting. When she said this I had gone quiet b cause I was very much annoy d with this comment and after she done that she was trying to distract me with talking about my daughter to me and I made me blame myself instead, I have spoken with a solicitor and he has told me she has basically gaslit me into being quiet and stop defending myself against these accusations that were made about me. Knowing that I wasn't overthinking the situation has very much made me alot calmer now. I have messaged the midwife and explained what I wasn't happy about and asked that she refer me to a new midwife. My partner is also a witness to this and everyone who was in the meeting and the minutes will evidently show this. I am getting frustrated with how they are trying to emotionally abuse me and think they can get away with it because they are in professional services. I haven't had any issues with midwifery until she had done that at the meeting and at another time I spoke to her on the phone regarding my concerns of something L***** said to me and she spoke for me by saying 'you feel triggered' myself and Louise talked about what I felt she said and we genuinely apologised to eachother for misunderstanding eachother and continued to work to together but she's gone off on maternity leave felt like the last appointment I had with her she was asking too many questions about things and being abit pushy towards wanting to know more about the police report and I just said I can't talk about it it's nowt to do with me, odd behaviour when she naturally is really easy to talk to. Also the other midwife came to visit me at my home and every time I was going to speak on something she intentionally distracted me, I think they really need to look at the people they employ genuinely a disgrace to the service if you ask me. I have also been making a record of any meetings I have and what has been said because I won't allow them to do the same thing again to me. I'm actually really annoyed at how she gaslit me in the meeting but so glad that I' figured it out quite quickly. Even if they try to change the minutes in anyway then I still have my own evidence of everything that was said in these meetings. Can't understand why they do what they do. They say they are there to ensure children are safe and support families but clearly they're showing that they don't have that intentions, what do they get out of emotionally abusing a pregnant women?

* Edited by Suzie to maintain confidentiality

Dear RabsDonn16

Thanks for your post

I see that you are very upset about how the initial child protection conference went and do not believe that there should be a child protection plan.

It is important that you work with the plan and any support being offered to you and your partner. Children’s services have a role to play when they consider there are safeguarding concerns and have guidance they should follow.

Please look at the response to your most recent posts the links there and the advice.

Whilst no family like to have children’s services involvement, working and engaging positively may well result in the best outcome for the family.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear RabsDonn16

Thank you for your further post. I hope you are keeping well in your pregnancy. You mentioned that you have made a doctor’s appointment. I hope that the appointment with your GP goes well.

I am sorry that you are still finding children’s services’ involvement so difficult. You have not asked any questions but I just wanted to provide some information that I hope will help you.

1) Child protection plan – all the information you provided suggest that your unborn baby is on a (pre-birth) child protection plan. Reports written prior to the conference will refer to child in need though as the decision to make a child protection plan can only be made at a conference.


2) Audio recordings of meeting – it is always a good idea to let professionals know if you are making a recording. You can ask children’s services to provide you with a copy of their policy about parents making recordings. Child Law Advice provides a useful summary of information about this issue; you can find it here.

3) I am glad to hear that you have support from your brother and your friend. And that you have been able to speak to a solicitor for advice. You can bring your friend with you to meetings for moral and practical support. I wondered if you have thought about requesting an advocate to assist you at meetings and in working with children’s services. We have a template letter (1) that you can use if you think this is a good idea. We also have a guide to working with an advocate that may be helpful.

4) If you would like to involve your brother, friend and community support more then you could consider asking for a family group conference(FGC) to be arranged. I am adding a link to information about this here.

5) I also wanted to let you know about a service called Birth Companions which provides advice and support about pregnancy and early motherhood.

Finally, it is really important to continue to work with children’s services and the core group, even if you are unhappy about some matters and have made complaints. This is because children’s services must remain involved while there is a child protection plan in place, even if the parents do not want their involvement. So it is best to continue to cooperate and participate so that you are properly involved and supported when plans are made about your baby.

I hope this is helpful.

If you have any further queries about children’s services, please post back or call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366. The lines are open from Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm (except on bank holidays).

Best wishes

Suzie