My 9 year old is lying about everyone and I’m not sure what to do.

[Councilcutee1990]

So I’ll start at the birth of my DD she was removed from my care due to concerns around DV and my mental health (her biological dad and I have BPD, anxiety disorder and attachment disorder) she was then placed in the care of her biological fathers friends (I’d never met them) on and SGO. whilst there she was diagnosed with GDD and ADHD. They had multiple call out from social services referrals from nursery and school as such in regard to things she had said or bruises they had seen (all of this I never knew until recently) they also had dealings with the police due to the carers allowing a someone convicted of a sexual crime towards a child around their children including my daughter. They stopped her biological dads contact along with her paternal and maternal nana’s. There was only me left and with me they stopped and started contact whenever they felt like it. Over the years I’d met my now husband and worked on sorting my MH out and having a life peaceful life. I gave birth to our daughter in 2019 with very minimal SS involvement with them signing us off at 3 months mark. We then went on to have a son in 2021 with zero input from social services. Given this was during Covid they stopped all my contact which is understandable, we where in a pandemic but would randomly call me and put my daughter on the phone for a few minutes then hang up. Well in 2022 I’d had enough I wanted more contact with my daughter firstly I wanted it just unsupervised but instead they offered overnights I jumped at the chance! They dropped her off with nothing and didn’t pick her up until the following week (it was only meant to be overnight) they did this for a few months then told me to apply to court to dissolve the SGO. I told them that’s not what I wanted right now as it was all to fast and as lovely as it was having her home it may confuse her. They ignored what I said and went to social services and told them they no longer wanted my daughter and wanted her to return home. So I applied to court because I’d rather have her at home with me than be in a home she’s not wanted. Fast forwards to November 2022 we passed our assessment and it was going to be recommended by SS that she return to my care however that wasn’t fast enough so the carers! They called my husband and told him my daughter would be at the bus station at x time and he had to pick her up. In panic we went there and picked her up and that was it she was home once she was home my daughter started telling me thing like they would wash her private area even when she said no, there was an incident where she got her younger sister to like her n**ple and when I asked why she got her to do it she said “because it felt nice” she would also “grind” on her own hand which I of course thought it meant she needed the toilet so would tell her to go for a wee I reported this to the then social worker who dismissed it as a she said she said situation. January 2023 came and the judge granted the order for her to come home and that was the last I heard off the SGO carers. I think we where in the honey moon faze because a few weeks after that we where signed of the CIN plan and that’s when everything started getting hard. My daughter started smashing things hitting out and even hurting herself. I called and booked an appointment for her peads doctor. Explained everything to him and he again dismissed it as “she’s had a big change she is just adjusting” and sent on our way. Then she started acting up in school hurting herself climbing on tables on the windows and hiding under chairs and hissing at children. So after a few months of this we again booked her in for the peads doctor for him to review her meds we where also asked to records some of her behaviour like the self harming (yes I also thought this was strange) but I did non the less this time he upped her medication and also advised us to remove all objects from her bedroom that she could harm herself with by means of smashing etc. so we did, we then moved into a new home which I thought brilliant! A new house for us all to start a fresh! We carpets the Childrens bedrooms first as we all know how rank council house floors are! Album again nothing had changed she was still thrashing smashing and hitting out and her room started to smell strongly of urine after a cuddle and a chat she admitted she had been weeing in her room when asked why just said “cos I can” so that’s it the carpet needs to come up then she smashed her wardrobe so that had to be removed she was left in this beautiful pink bedroom with just a bed. At this point when we actually manage to get her into school she’s refusing to do school work hitting other pupils and now stripping off naked and screaming “stop looking at my V****” school called us in and honestly I was confused and shocked they handed me her cut up uniform and underwear. This continued and still happens now I believe, we are now in December 2023 and her behaviour is worse than ever she’s overheard conversations with my siblings regarding my childhood (I was in care after being abused both sexually and physically for 7 years of my life) when she was meant to be in bed and then went into school and said that this had happened to her! Thankfully if the things she had said had happened she would have major bruises or marks school looked into what she had said and it was agreed that she had overheard. She then accused my husband of throwing an object at her which he was asked to leave the home. I’d like to mention this isn’t the first time she’s accused people are causing her harm she had accused 7 family members of harm even ones she’s never met because they’re dead. So my husband leaves but as I have mobility issues my sister stepped in (my sister had her own children removed but SS okayed her to come live with me to help me in this instance) me and my sister have a very on off relationship. She stayed for around 2 weeks and spent a lot of alone time with X as they had a lovely bond from what I could see. I found out my sister was actually stealing my prescription pain killers so I demanded she leave my home. She left without a fuss and continued to talk to me thought the day via social media. The next night I received a welfare visit from the police (I’d like that add I was receiving these for the entire time my daughter was in my care because her biological father is mental and I mean mental health mental and he believes he is the mesier) so this was nothing new I let her in she took X out of ear shot and I carried on sorting my other children out. When the police officer finished she asked me if I’d ever seen my sister hurt my daughter which of course I hadn’t and she went on to explain that my daughter had told her that my sister had slapped her. I was mortified! Anyways she said no corncerns and left (like always) the night after this her biological dad actually turns up at my door and my and my partner end up getting arrested for child neglect and mistreatment of an animal (I had 2 dogs but rehomed one as she was being hurt by my daughter and had started to turn on people who went to stroke her) it turns out that my sister and my daughters biological dad were in constant contact and had written a letter together stating all these horrific things that as supposed to have happened to my daughter (even though all the welfare checks came back as no concerns) and as for my dog I’d rehomed her to my sisters ex boyfriend who I’ve now found out isn’t even allowed to own and animal. And my poor baby was found abandoned outside an RSPCA (my theory is that man basically sh*t bricks when the police knocked on his door asking about my dog and abandoned her in fear of breaking the law?) anyways we where released on bail and at this point I’d had enough it all needed to stop so I signed my daughter over to social services as I believed that’s what was best for her at the time. Her first 2 placements broke down within a matter of weeks and she ended up in a residential unit with 1 child her age and 2 teen girls. They have no control over her she’s gets away with everything because she knows if she behaves for a few days she will get what they offered her (like a reward system) then she’s back to miss behaviour until they offer her something else she wants. She’s only been there a few months and has told me one of the male staff has hit her in her bedroom which I know is a lie. Over the past few weeks now she’s told staff member there that she’s been exposed to sexual things from her previous carers (she was acting out a certain act on her dolls lady parts) which this has been reported to the police and is now under investigation and she’s also said they shoved batteries in her mouth and other things. If that wasn’t upsetting enough I had a social worker come out yesterday to tell me and my husband that she’s said my husband made her so a sexual act on him!!! Now I know that rule of thumb is always to believe the child but the amount of accusations that have come out of her mouth in the 18 months of having her home even about dead family members she’s never met I know to always second guess. The social worker said the police aren’t going to get involved as my daughter won’t talk but I know this man and he is heartbroken that the child he took on and was in the process of adopting could say such a thing. She’s always playing with him and shouting him over to play on the park and now suddenly she’s come out with this?! I also spoke to our social worker today and all she could say was my daughter is very complex and needs a pshyc assessment and that she’s clearly been exposed to sexual stuff but doesn’t understand that saying it about my husband is a serious thing! I’d also like to add just before the summer holidays last year she accused a boy in her school of pinning her and kissing her (she then admitted this never happened) I don’t know what to do her lies are getting more serious as the weeks go by. The sexual accusations have only started since being in that unit though which I find very strange! I don’t even know what I’m looking for in this post I guess I just needed to write it down somewhere before my head bursts. Thankyou for reading my super long post.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Councilcutee1990

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

You have shared a history and an update on your daughter’s situation. I am sorry to hear that your daughter is experiencing such a range of difficulties and that you and your family are too. I can see how hard the situation is and that you are having to contend with a lot of different issues.

Your daughter has had many changes and challenges in her life. She has lived with you, with Special Guardians, was returned home to you in an unplanned way by the Special Guardians following your positive assessment, and the SGO was ended. More recently, your daughter was placed in a voluntary section 20 arrangement following the circumstances you have described. She is currently in a residential unit with another child her age and two older teenage girls.

I am unsure if you and your husband are still on bail in relation to the incident you describe where you were arrested and then bailed.

You explain that your daughter is a vulnerable child with global developmental delay and ADHD. Your daughter has presented as very distressed at times which may impact on her behaviour.

There is a long history of incidents and allegations that are concerning, some of a sexual or sexualised nature and other regarding allegations of physical abuse. These include concerns that she may have met a convicted child sex offender, she has self-harmed, displayed concerning behaviour at home and school. There have been a number of allegations that your daughter was physically harmed by her aunt slapping her, your husband throwing an object at her and by a worker at her residential unit. There are a number of ongoing police investigations. Most recently, the social worker told you that your daughter has made an allegation of a sexual nature against your husband. Police are not pursuing this allegation as your daughter is not willing to pursue.

This must be extremely stressful for all involved. Your daughter’s safety and wellbeing are key. The social worker has described your daughter’s needs as complex and suggested that she may benefit from having a psychological assessment. I think you are, understandably, finding it difficult to manage the range and nature of the allegations and how they are affecting you, your husband, your daughter, and your wider family. You are aware of advice to believe the child but there are a lot of unknowns in your situation which may make it hard to know what to believe or what is causing your daughter’s distress.

You have not asked any specific questions about children’s services. However, the following suggestions may be useful to consider:

• Asking the social worker to keep you updated about the process and outcome of the investigations and outcomes of the various allegations and to provide you with a written summary too to help you understand what is happening and what may happen next.
• Making sure that you are fully informed about your daughter’s current care plan, that you have a copy of all the relevant looked after child paperwork and that you are aware and can prepare for your daughter’s Looked After Child review.
• Asking for some emotional support for yourself as the mother of a child who is vulnerable and may have been abused, to help you manage your own feelings and support your daughter. You and your daughter are both going through traumatic experiences and having a safe space for yourself may be beneficial.

Please see below for links to some services that may be of interest to you:

Family Line
Parents Protect
NSPCC

I hope this is helpful.

If you have any specific queries or need any advice about children’s services please contact the advice service again by posting on this forum, calling our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, using our advice enquiry form or webchat.

Best wishes

Suzie