Please any advice or guidance

[october38]

Hello everyone long story short last year I reached out to social services as I was finding my son's behavior very challenging my daughter lived with us also it got to a point where my mental health deteriated my son went into care with a full care order and my daughter decided she wanted to move in with her father which is further away I moved areas as I went closer to family as I hoped they support me but for last year I've been left to suffer my feelings as of course being away from my children is the worst mental pain I've ever felt . I've had regular communication and visits with my son less with my daughter but I know that's gonna take time. Reason why I'm reaching out is as things have changed and I now have a job but before he goes into adult services I want my son back in my full care social services said they are happy to start the assessment but I need home which I don't have I earn minimum wage and my wages have been spent traveling to see the children I've tried looking at private renting but they want you annual to be at least 23000 which mine is not . I lived in Wales with the children from 14 years which is where my son's care home is the social services are reaching out to England to get my son on their books to look for a placement closer to me mean while I've been doing nothing but searching for a place to rent that I could afford but it's a losing game. Citizen advice said until my son is officially in my care I'll be looking as a single person so the council will not help me towards a property suitable for my son. I have not yet registered with council house as the address I've been allowed to use as my forwarding address for work is a resident of a council house and don't want me getting them into trouble by using their address. Which is so painful as I really been trying so hard to get a home for my son I want to know I've tried everything. The biggest joke is I work in care so as you can imagine my job is haunting as it reminds me every single day that I'm capable of caring for my son yet I have to go through obstacles which are overwhelmingly challenging. Please anyone if you could give me advice or any words of wisdom I'd really appreciate it I have 24 hour worry constantly no one is helping or supporting me I've isolated from any friends I've had this is been really difficult when it seems so simple it is not. I just want hope but I don't know what to do please someone talk to me give me some guidance please

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear october38,

Welcome to the parents’ forum and thank you for your post. I am sorry to hear about the difficult situation that you find yourself in and hope that the following advice is helpful to you.

From the information you have given it seems that your son is in the care of a Welsh local authority. Family Rights Group can advise when children are involved with English local authorities therefore I cannot give any advice specific to a Welsh local authority.

However what I can suggest is that you ask children’s services to carry out a parenting assessment on you, even though you don’t have suitable housing yet. They should still be able to do this assessment. If the assessment is positive then you will be able to ask the housing department to find appropriate housing for you and your son. You can ask children’s services to support you with this. They can provide evidence to the housing department that you would need a property suitable for you and your son. If children’s services refuse to carry out an assessment just because you don’t have suitable housing then I would suggest that you put in a formal complaint and escalate this if necessary.

It seems that you have struggled with your mental health previously and you mention that you feel quite isolated at the moment. It is really important that you seek some support (if you haven’t already) so that you build up a support network around you. This will be important in demonstrating to children’s services that you will be able to cope with your son living with you full time. If you haven’t done so already I would suggest that you reach out for mental health support from the GP or other local services. We have some useful links HERE which you might like to take a look at. GIngerbread provides support to single parents and you might find it helpful to connect with other single parents locally or online.

You might also find it helpful to speak with MATCH mothers as they provide confidential, emotional support to mothers who live apart from their children.

Finally you might be able to get some more housing advice from Shelter, and Turn2us can give benefits advice.

I hope that this is of some help. Please post again if you have any further queries or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm). We also have a webchat service and an advice enquiry form.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[october38]

Thank you so much for your response I will speak to to social worker on the next review meeting which is due next week