Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

Hello everyone,

I am reaching out for advice and support regarding an ongoing and highly distressing situation with Children’s Services (CSC) that has deeply affected my family. Here is the full picture of what has been happening, and I would greatly appreciate any advice or guidance on what steps we can take to address this.

To start with, a bit of background story:
My 12 year old daughter has friends who are in the care system, one of these friends in particular was raped when she was younger by her dad when she was younger - She met this friend at high school and has since become so hard work at home with her attitude, lying, and general behavior, she even started with threats of self harm and suicide against me and my wife if we said no to her.

Her behavior was getting out of hand to the point it was weekly calls from school expressing concern for her welfare - until 4 months ago it was a concern that she has expressed to her friends that she had been raped by me (her father) - this was heart breaking to hear and after a few days of not being able to see all my children and having to attend police interviews the charges were changed from rape, to digital penetration, to then sexual touching - All this was reported in the ICPC meeting we had the 3 different stories, the 2 different ages (first it happened when she was 4, but then it changed to 4 years ago), but the social worker who was assigned our case has pre-judged everything and lied about everything, he has not contacted me at all and wrote reports about "fathers views" - Failed to give me and wife paperwork and then started court proceedings against us saying we had refused to sign.

Its been 4 months now, and whilst the police told me after the initial interview that i should expect to be back home after a weeks and that the case was being dropped with a NFA social are treating me like I've been convicted and a serious danger to my children.

Here is where we stand at this moment after 4 months:
1. Im not allowed to see my children at all unsupervised - this includes out in the public and even with my eldest who is 15 years old.
2. Im only allowed supervised contact with my in-laws, this is causing a massive strain on our relationship as they know the allegations are not true and so does my wife but CSC are refusing to listen to our side of the story and are saying that my daughters behavior change is "because of the sexual abuse".
3. CSC decided after a meeting to add emotional abuse against me without providing or saying why this is being added.
4. The family dynamic at home is now heart breaking - When i can see my children, they are getting upset when i have to leave, to the point my youngest clings to me and refuses to let me go.
5. There is breakdowns in the relationships between the children and grandparents starting to form - with the youngest making comments to them like "i don't like you anymore, i don't want you to come round my house"....
6. CSC are not listening to these claims - refuse to visit us, or listen to us and are still running on the pre-judged narrative of me.
7. They have prejudged me - as they told my 8 year old "dads not allowed back home, as he made some bad choices" - what bad choices, the only bad choices i made was agreeing with my wife to send my daughter to the high school that's closest to us.
8. All my children including my daughter who made the allegations against me have said they want me back home - CSC have now started to silence my children by not providing them with advocates for meetings!

We are meant to have family time review meetings every 4 weeks, its going on 5 now and we have heard nothing from CSC - all our questions get unanswered, we have a RCPC meeting coming up in the next few days to see if I'm still a "danger" to my children but the harm is coming from CSC's pre-judged twisting manipulative narrative of my family.

We are a working family, and me and wife have been together for 20+ years but yet CSC still report that we only met 4 years ago when the alleged abused happened - even after walking into our family home, past all the wedding photos and happy family photos.

What can me and my wife do so that i can get back home - as I'm currently living away from home having to spend the kids future funds just to be able to support myself, so CSC are also robbing my children of a future too... I'm fed up with the lies and manipulation from CSC, the pain in my kids eyes is heart breaking each time i have to leave the supervised visits....

And to make it all worse - im allowed contact with other children, so when it snowed yesterday (Sunday 05/01) i was outside building snowmen having snowball fights with nieces and nephews who are the same age and younger then my children - according the the police and CSC this is fine just as long as i dont see my children unsupervised ??

Dear RobbyNotMyRealName

I will split my response into two parts because the post is quite long.

PART ONE

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be responding to you today. I am sorry to hear of your situation and the distress this is causing to your family.

Your 12-year-old child has accused you of sexual abuse. You say this is false, that her behaviours deteriorated following a friendship with a child at school who was sexually abused. Your daughter has become increasingly challenging, and it has become increasing difficult to put boundaries in place for her.

Following your child’s allegation, there was a Section 47 enquiry which led to a Child Protection Conference and subsequently a child protection plan for all your children. This has now escalated to care proceedings care proceedings

You say that during the child protection process you were not contacted by the allocated social worker as part of the information gathering process. However, within the report they talked about seeking your views. Further, you did not initially receive the paperwork but the social worker said they did and you refused to sign the copy. I am not sure whether this relates to the child protection plan or care proceedings.

You feel children’s services are treating you as though you have been convicted of the crime against your child. You say that the police have informed you that the criminal case against you has/is being dropped with no further action.

Since professional involvement, contact with your children has been supervised by your parents in laws. This has been at the request of children’s services, and you have demonstrated your willingness to work with them by adhering to this.

When you have contact with your children, leaving is becoming increasingly difficult. The youngest one is struggling to understand why you are not living at home and this has resulted in some resentment towards their grandparents who are supervising the visits. You say all of the children wish you return to the family home and that children’s services have ‘started to silence my children’ because they have not provided advocates for them.

You feel judged by the social workers, that they are not listening to you and they are saying things to your children that you disagree with. For example, that you made ‘bad choices’. You only accept this in respect of the school you sent your 12 year old child.

You are concerned that the Core Group meeting, which should take place every four weeks, is late. Further that some information within an assessment is incorrect.

You are seeking advice on what you need to do to return to the family home, to be with your children.

Part Two

Within the child protection process, there is law and guidance that children’s services should follow. This sets out clearly who should be included in the assessment process and what information needs to be shared with whom. If you clink on the link HERE it will take you to our webpage which has a step by step guide to this process. Once read, if you feel unhappy with the service you have received you may wish to consider making a formal complaint to children’s services. I have added HERE
information and guidance regarding this process.

Sometimes fathers can be overlooked or excluded from decisions made about their children. I have added a link HERE
to our website page that discusses this is more detail. The aim of this page is to help fathers understand their legal rights and responsibilities. And to know the options available if they need support. Fathers may want to start by looking at our Children’s services page . This shares helpful information about what children’s services do and how they should work.

The threshold for police intervention and children’s services intervention are different. The police work from the stance of beyond reasonable doubt when charging a person with a crime whereas children’s services work from the perspective of probability. Therefore, whilst you say the police are likely to or have said there is no further action from them, children’s services may remain involved based on their threshold of significant or likely significant harm. If Bail conditions are in place, then children’s services cannot override them. In some circumstances they may ask the police to modify the conditions to meet the children’s needs, but this is at the discretion of the police.

Children’s services do not have jurisdiction (authority) when asking you to remain out of the family home and for supervised contact to take place, unless they go to court to seek an interim care order to share parental responsibility with you and your wife (see the link above to care and related proceedings for further information. Of course, if you do not meet their request they may escalate the matter.

If care proceedings have started then you, your wife and the children will each be entitled to seek a solicitor to represent you in court through a legal aid certificate. I have added HERE further information and guidance regarding this process. This includes the type of solicitor you should be seeking (child law, preferably with child law accreditation). You children will be appointed a Cafcass worker. They are the legal advocate for the children. Should the children become looked after, either by a family member or an unrelated foster carer, legislation states they should be offered a formal advocate. I have added HERE further information and guidance from the National Youth Advocacy Service. They provide comprehensive information regarding advocacy for children in this type of situation.

In respect of the children becoming distressed and frustrated when you leave, from the information you have provided it does not appear that matters are likely to change very soon, therefore I think it would be a good idea for you, your wife and grandparents, along with the allocated social worker (for professional support and insight), to formulate a plan of action to reduce the distress they are feeling. Perhaps an agreed plan for the children to have some time additional pastoral support from school to give them the opportunity to express their wishes and feelings outside of the home environment.
If you have not done so already, you may wish to access support and advice from the Lucy Faithful Foundation . They offer help and advice to perpetrators and non-perpetrators of sexual abuse and their families. Children’s services can request specialised assessments and reports from them to inform their decision making. They also offer protective parenting course and information for family members who are caring for children who have experienced sexual abuse/allegations of sexual abuse. I suggest you discuss this with the allocated social worker and to seek further information and guidance from their website.

I hope you find this information helpful. If you would like to talk to an adviser at Family Rights Group about your situation, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, you can post back, use our advice enquiry form or webchat.
Best wishes, Suzie