Will my partner be aloud home or will they make me choose between my kids and my partner

[Sheppy]

So me and my partner got together really quickly after I left my husband and he moved in with me and my kids almost straight away . Looking back I should of done this slowly but I didn't and I admit that . Our relationship was going well for a good 5 months until my partner's ex tried to cause trouble we managed to deal with her and then we would just argue all the time about stupid stuff and then one day we was sat on the bed in a argument and I talk with my hands so my hands are moving about and he panicked and put his arm over me and pushed me away but I ended up against the headboard crying due to my abusive ex years ago and it was so he could get off the bed to get away from the argument . I made a noise and my son heard and came in and said he didn't want him hurting his mum I said it was okay explained the situation and my son said no he hurt you . My son and him have never got along since that point . After that we just argued ever now and then but he would shout loud and I then the week before I asked him to leave we argued everyday and it got to much so I asked him to move back home and we would work on us . My son heard most of the arguments as the walls are thin. He's now still together with me but where in Seperate households and I want him to come back but now my family have found out what he's like social services are now involved will social services let him come back when we had worked on himself and I have if my son tells them.he don't feel safe around him and what he heard from the incident and arguments . My other kids didn't heard anything and still feel safe around him .

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Sheppy

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be responding to you today.

Your partner moved into your home quicky after you started your relationship. Whilst your partner was living with you there were several arguments which increased over time. One of arguments resulted in your partner physically harming you. Your son witnessed this and found it distressing.

Your partner moved out of your family home due to the arguments and distress. You remain in a relationship with him and would like him to move back into the family home.

Children’s services are involved. Your son has said that he does not feel safe around your partner. You do not say in what capacity children’s services are involved. I will assume there is a child protection plan in place child protection plan in place . You are seeking advice on whether children’s services will ‘let him come back’ after he has addressed his issues.

Concern that a child is experiencing or witnessing domestic abuse is a very common reason why children’s services become involved with families. Research shows that children can suffer long-term. And the legal definition of significant harm specifically includes a child hearing or seeing someone else being harmed (see section 31(9) of the Children Act 1989)

There may be many different signs of a domestically abusive relationship including physical, sexual and emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can include psychological abuse. Witnessing emotional abuse can be very traumatic for a child yet this can be minimised and overlooked – even by those involved. It is not always easy to identify. But it can be just as harmful as other forms of abuse. I have added a link HERE for further information and advice.

The NSPCC have lots of helpful support for children and parents who have experienced domestic abuse. Please clink the link HERE
for further information an advice.

Further, for children specifically is Childline. They understand how difficult it is for children to talk about domestic abuse. Whether it's happening now or happened in the past, Childline can be contacted 24/7. Calls to 0800 1111 are free and confidential. Children can also contact Childline online

It may be helpful for you to link in with a domestic abuse support service, if you haven’t done so already. I have added a link to Women’s Aid. A domestic abuse charity. I further added a link HERE HERE to the Freedom Project. They have courses and workshops and other forms of support you can access. They also have online course that you can complete which helps you to think about so called ‘red flags’ linked to domestic abuse in all its forms. You may also wish to signpost your partner to an organisation called RESPECT They support perpetrators of domestic abuse. Please click on the highlighted link for further information.

Children’s services, do not have jurisdiction (authority) to prevent your partner from returning to your home. They can make a request, and by following this request you and your partner will be demonstrating that you are willing to work with them, but it will be your decision as to whether he returns to your home. Of course, if he does and children’s services are highly concerned about this, they can escalate matters and may start court proceedings.

I think it would be sensible to be open and transparent with children’s services. If you want your partner to move back into the family home, I suggest you inform them of this and work with them to complete a risk assessment to identify the level of risk and what needs to be put in place to eliminate/reduce this. Part of this process may be a protective parenting assessment for you and a domestic abuse programme for your partner.

To finish, I have added a link HERE to our ‘top tips’ when working with social workers. It is guide we have created, setting out how to work well with social workers and what you may wish to consider if things are not going so well.

I hope you find this information helpful. If you would like to talk to an adviser at Family Rights Group about your situation, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, you can post back, use our advice enquiry form or webchat.
Best wishes, Suzie