Post sentencing advice re social

[RisePhoenix]

Hi, I am getting ahead of myself a little, but was hoping to get some advice ahead of my husbands sentencing next week.

He has plead guilty to and will be being sentenced next week in relation to ‘making’ of IIOC across all categories.

All indications (namely from his solicitor and the PSR recommendation (medium risk, manageable in the community), and also the managing sexual & violent offenders officer he has been assigned suggested that would likely be the case given it is an online only offence and no previous convictions), that this will not result in custodial (although appreciate this is not a given), the draft SHPO produced by the prosecution is focused around devices/internet use, there are no restrictions in there around contact. It does state that he will be required to provide information regarding intended interactions with family/friends so that any risk to children could be managed - his solicitor is seeking clarity on that point, as it’s pretty broad).

My question is around social. For background info, following their single assessment they recommend a Child in Need plan, which after consideration I declined, as I did not want my children’s lives intruded on in such a way, but also we have implemented our own robust safeguarding measures, so a CIN plan would not serve any purpose in terms of safeguarding as we’re going above and beyond in that regard. After I declined they closed the case, and they wrote to say they were closing, but that no unsupervised contact and he was not to reside in the house (which were essentially the bail conditions). The letter said if anything changes or they have any concerns in the future they may re-open the file.

So my question is, post sentencing, if the SHPO doesn’t put any restrictions on contact, and given social have closed the case, can we effectively go back to unsupervised contact and him sleeping in his own bed again ? I wasn’t sure if social would automatically be notified of the outcome post sentencing and details of the SHPO, whether I would be expected to let them know, whether probation would.

I have found dealing with social incredibly challenging, I found them to be judgemental and disproportionate, and I did let them know this. I know my children are safe and I know my husband poses no legitimate risk to my children, so I don’t want to invite them back into our lives if I don’t need to, but equally I don’t want to make anything worse for us. We’ve had an horrendous 14 months since ‘the knock’ , but my husband has moved mountains since, and all I want is for us to get back to normal as far as possible as a family.

TIA

[Winter25]

Hi RisePhoenix,

I am going to give you some very urgent, protective advice because based on your post, you are about to step on a landmine that could lead to your children being removed.

I can hear how exhausted you are after such a long, traumatic period. It makes complete sense that you are desperate for the "Normal Life" button to be pressed next week.

However, you are operating under the belief that because the Social Services case is "closed" and the SHPO might be silent on contact, you can return to normal immediately after sentencing. This is incorrect and legally dangerous.

Since private messaging has been removed to keep us 'safe', I am posting this strategic advice publicly so everyone can benefit.

Here is the strategic breakdown of why you cannot just let him move back in next week.

1. The "Closed Case" Trap
You stated: "After I declined [CIN] they closed the case... but wrote to say... no unsupervised contact and he was not to reside in the house."

The Reality: They did not close the case because there was "no risk." They closed the case conditional on him being out of the house.

The Trap: That letter is a standing warning. If you move him back in (even if bail has ended), you are breaching the specific safety advice they left you with.

The Consequence: Because you previously declined a CIN plan (which they likely viewed as "resistance"), if you move him back in now without their agreement, they will likely skip CIN and go straight to Section 47 (Child Protection). They will argue: "Mother declined support previously, and has now reintroduced a convicted sex offender to the home against advice. She is failing to protect."

2. Probation will tell Social Services
You asked: "I wasn’t sure if social would automatically be notified."

Yes, they will!!

The Mechanism: Your husband will be under Probation (even with a suspended sentence). Probation has a statutory duty to notify Children's Services (Social Services) of any convicted sex offender planning to live at an address with children.

The Shock: If he walks out of court and comes home to sleep in his bed, Probation will notify the MASH (Multi-Agency Safeguarding Hub) immediately. A Social Worker will likely turn up at your door within 48 hours. If he is found there, they may ask you to leave with the children or initiate removal proceedings because you did not consult them.

3. SHPO vs. Social Services
You noted the SHPO might be silent on contact.

Criminal vs. Family: The SHPO sets the Criminal minimum (what sends him to prison). Social Services operates on Welfare risk (what keeps children safe).

The Conflict: Even if a Judge doesn't ban him from seeing his kids, a Social Worker can determine it is "unsafe" for them to live with him until a risk assessment is done.

4. The "No Legitimate Risk" Comment
You wrote: "I know my husband poses no legitimate risk to my children."

Warning: Please, for the sake of your children, never say this to a Social Worker.

Why: He has pleaded guilty to making Indecent Images of Children. To a professional, that is an objective risk. If you say "there is no risk," they hear: "Mother is in denial and cannot protect the children because she doesn't see the danger."

Better Script: "I believe he acts safely with our children, but I respect that he has been convicted of a serious offence and I am willing to work with professionals to manage any identified risk."

Your Strategy: The "Safe Reintroduction Pathway"
If your goal is reunification at home, you must do it in stages.

Do not move him in immediately. Keep him at the bail address or a separate address for a few weeks post-sentencing.

Step 1: Get Clarity from Probation. After sentencing, ask his Probation Officer: "Does Probation support contact in the home? Will you be liaising with Social Services?"

Step 2: The "Voluntary" Clarification. Send a calm email to Social Services (see below). This prevents you from being accused of acting unilaterally.

Step 3: Accept the Staged Plan. If they ask for supervised contact for X weeks, agree to it. Think of it as insurance against them escalating to Child Protection.

Draft Email to Send to Children's Services
Send this to the MASH team (or your previous Social Worker) a few days after sentencing.
---------------
Subject: Update following Sentencing - [Children's Names]

Dear Children's Services Team,

I am writing to provide an update regarding our family situation to ensure we are acting transparently and safely.

1. Sentencing Outcome: My husband was sentenced on [Date]. He received [Sentence details] and is now working with the Probation Service.

2. Current Arrangements: He is currently residing at [Address - NOT family home] and we are continuing to adhere to the previous advice regarding no unsupervised contact.

3. Moving Forward: Our goal is to slowly reintegrate him into family life in a safe, managed way, supported by his Probation Officer. Given that our case was previously closed, please can you confirm if you require a new assessment to facilitate this, or if we should be guided solely by Probation?

We want to ensure we are following the correct process before any changes to contact or residence occur.

Yours sincerely, [Your Name]
---------------
SummaryDo not rush this. If you move him in next week without asking, they will come for you. If you send that email, you are the responsible, protective parent asking for permission.

========

For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

[MotherGoose80]

I can't stress strongly enough that you need to follow the advice from the person who first replied.
My story is on the "Did everything right, getting punished anyway" thread.
I was like you. I thought that if I was open and honest and followed the rules children's services would leave me be.
How wrong I was.
After 2 months of no contact, I got a phone call one tea time saying that they had begun court proceedings and I was one step away from having my children removed.
My husband only has an allegation against him, we don't even know if he will be charged, but it doesn't matter to them he is guilty.
We live apart. I have said he can't come home, we moved house so he doesn't know where the kids and I are.
It's not enough, my kids are still under Child protection and my solicitor has said they just seem determined to take my kids no matter what I do.
I hope your social services is better than our area, but I doubt your husband will be home for a long time, if ever.

[Winter25]

Hi MotherGoose80,

Your warning is powerful because you are living it right now. I have responded on your post as well for you

However, I want to say to make sure RisePhoenix doesn't lose all hope.

You wrote: "I doubt your husband will be home for a long time, if ever."

While Social Services are risk-averse, saying "never" is not strictly true. People on the Sex Offenders Register (SOR) do live in family homes with their own children. It happens frequently, but it happens at the end of a very long, specific process. My partner is on it as well, even his officers he seems say the same thing.

The difference between a family that gets reunited and a family that gets destroyed usually comes down to three things:

Time: It often takes 18–24 months (post-sentencing) of completing courses (like Horizon) and building a track record of safety.

The mother has to be "Professional" rather than "Emotional" (which is why I advise RisePhoenix to send that formal email).

You are right that some areas are more draconian than others. You just handle them with more forcefulness than maybe some other areas in the UK

RisePhoenix, please listen to MotherGoose80's warning about how quickly they can turn on you if they think you are hiding something. But don't feel that "reunification" is impossible. It is just a marathon, not a sprint.
------------------

For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi, I am getting ahead of myself a little, but was hoping to get some advice ahead of my husbands sentencing next week.

He has plead guilty to and will be being sentenced next week in relation to ‘making’ of IIOC across all categories.

All indications (namely from his solicitor and the PSR recommendation (medium risk, manageable in the community), and also the managing sexual & violent offenders officer he has been assigned suggested that would likely be the case given it is an online only offence and no previous convictions), that this will not result in custodial (although appreciate this is not a given), the draft SHPO produced by the prosecution is focused around devices/internet use, there are no restrictions in there around contact. It does state that he will be required to provide information regarding intended interactions with family/friends so that any risk to children could be managed - his solicitor is seeking clarity on that point, as it’s pretty broad).

My question is around social. For background info, following their single assessment they recommend a Child in Need plan, which after consideration I declined, as I did not want my children’s lives intruded on in such a way, but also we have implemented our own robust safeguarding measures, so a CIN plan would not serve any purpose in terms of safeguarding as we’re going above and beyond in that regard. After I declined they closed the case, and they wrote to say they were closing, but that no unsupervised contact and he was not to reside in the house (which were essentially the bail conditions). The letter said if anything changes or they have any concerns in the future they may re-open the file.

So my question is, post sentencing, if the SHPO doesn’t put any restrictions on contact, and given social have closed the case, can we effectively go back to unsupervised contact and him sleeping in his own bed again ? I wasn’t sure if social would automatically be notified of the outcome post sentencing and details of the SHPO, whether I would be expected to let them know, whether probation would.

I have found dealing with social incredibly challenging, I found them to be judgemental and disproportionate, and I did let them know this. I know my children are safe and I know my husband poses no legitimate risk to my children, so I don’t want to invite them back into our lives if I don’t need to, but equally I don’t want to make anything worse for us. We’ve had an horrendous 14 months since ‘the knock’ , but my husband has moved mountains since, and all I want is for us to get back to normal as far as possible as a family.

TIA

Dear RisePhoenix,

My name is Suzie and I am the online adviser for Family Rights Group. Please accept my apologies for the delay in responding to your post. I hope that the following advice and information is helpful to you. You can click on the hyperlinks in my post to take you to more information on our website.

You have explained that your husband will be pleading guilty to charges related to indecent images of children (IIOC). As you posted 13 days ago I imagine that the sentencing has now taken place. You had an assessment completed by children’s services and they offered support under a child in need plan. You did not feel this support was necessary because you already had a safety plan in place and he was not allowed to reside at the house or have unsupervised contact with your children anyway due to his bail conditions. You want to know, once his bail conditions have been lifted, and if there are no restrictions on his sexual harm prevention order (SHPO), then can he return to the family home and have unsupervised contact with your children. And you are unsure whether you need to inform children’s services of your intention for him to move back home.

You have had some advice from other forum users who have personal experience of this type of situation. I would agree with them that it is crucial that you inform children’s services if your husband is planning to move back into the family home. As Winter25 explained, they should be notified about this anyway by the probation officer, so it is better that you contact children’s services first. If children’s services find out that he has moved back in and you did not inform them then their concerns may escalate significantly. It is important that they feel that they can trust you and that you are always open and honest with them.

If you would like your husband to return to the family home then I would advise that you contact children’s services to let them know that this is your end goal. You should make it clear that you and your husband are willing to work with children’s services so that this can be done in a safe way. This will likely take time but is the best approach to take if you wish for him to move back to the family home in the long-term.

You may find the information on our website HERE helpful, and the following organisations may be able to offer you some support:

- Talking Forward
- The Lucy Faithfull Foundation
- ACTSFAST
- Safer Lives


I hope that this is of some help. Please post again if you have any further queries or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm). We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Thursday afternoons.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[RisePhoenix]

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated. The sentencing did not go ahead, it was adjourned for a further month. My husband has not moved back in, and continues to sleep at his alternative address overnight. He has supervised contact in our home, but sleeps elsewhere.

I will contact social services/self-refer once I know the sentencing outcome. I will not do anything to jeopardise my relationship with my children.

Thanks again for the advice