Need advice

[AU123]

Hi I have an SGO of my grate cousin as non of my other fam stepped forward, the child moved in with us on Nov 23 an in Feb 24 we were granted the sgo we had been seen her before an doing all that was required of us.my issue has been contact so from the day she moved Nov 23 to sep 24 Social workers were involved in helping the transition so they sorted contact mum didn't show for any. On the last day of them been involved she showed so 1st Aug she saw her children. Then from then to now she has not asked some months not set up anything an when she has she no shows or dose not give full infomation or has an excuse.

Mum has given me alot of the back lash with things as I was haveing to be middle man at 1st for her ro have contact with both her children ( one lives with me one with there bio fad they have diff dads) an there was alot of back an forth so we split it there is always an excuse I seeked some advise but feel at a loss this month she asked to see her after 4 month not an I said she needed to get some advise or speak to someone as this is unfair on the child as she just never shows she has me emotionally drained at time with her hurtful comment's an ow she's threatening to take me to court. I love this little one she means so much too us what is the likelihood she can take her back thank you x.

[Robin D]

Hi and welcome. I am just another carer here. @Suzie may be along to provide more help.

One of the huge advantage of a SGO over the former Residence Order is that to take it back to court she first has to apply for leave to vary the order. That means she must first convince court that sufficient has changed to warrant the court looking at the issue again and was designed to stop the many cases where placements were disrupted by constant count hearings. It seems to have been largely successful. Based on what you say that contact has been almost nonexistent, I would appear that she is highly unlikely to succeed at the leave stage. Sounds like bluff and bluster and I would not worry about it unless she gets that leave.

It's worth asking at the local authority concerned if the have an Special guardian support person or team.

Good luck ... Robin

[AU123]

Thank you so much just haveing someone to talk to an let it all out helps so much.

[Robin D]

Sound off as much as you want here. Unfortunately most Kinship carers come here for help and advice, but few stick around to support others at different points on the journey. @suzie, the FRG advisor is brilliant but the funding situation means that with this, the parents forum and the help line to manage, all the advisors are busy and all do a wonderful job.

FRG helped us a lot over the years, and with the sheer complexity of the many cases we went through, I try to pop in most days to see if I can help based on my own experiences. I often wonder if it really helps, then remember what it was like being in communication with someone who understood what we were going through. Taking on the children is hard enough, managing the parent(s) can make it very tough, but sadly dealing with the professionals is often the most difficult. It shouldn't be like that, and let me add, that some professionals are just brilliant in what they do, but others will leave you not knowing if you should laugh or cry. Try to work with them as doing so will ultimately make you life easier.

That said.. if you need a rant, I will read it at some point and am always ready with a virtual hug.
Robin

[Robin D]

Sorry, just to add have you looked at https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/ ... ort-group/ to see if there is a local kinship support group you could join. Those that exist make newcomers very welcome and again, you will be meeting people experiencing very similar, if not the same, issues and frustrations. As well as here the link is also a 'tab' at the top of the page 'Local Kinship Support Groups'.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear AU123

Welcome to the kinship carers’ forum. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. You became a special guardian for a young child last year. Her mother has been very sporadic in terms of having contact with her child and you have been put in the middle trying to support contact with her other child too. Unfortunately, she has not been able to prioritise her child’s needs properly. She has failed to keep to arrangements and now has asked to see the child again after 4 months of not seeing her. You were concerned that her mother’s lack of consistency is not fair on the child and so suggested that she get some advice about this. This resulted in the child’s mother threatening to take you back to court.

You are upset at how she has responded to you and worried that the child may be returned to her mother.

You have had helpful and supportive advice from Robin, an experienced kinship carer, as well as recommendations for support for yourself.

I would also like to reassure you that it is very unlikely that a court would agree to end the SGO and return the child to her mother, after one year and when her mother has been inconsistent in keeping in touch with her child. As Robin rightly said, she has not automatic right to go back to court to ask that the SGO be ended. She needs the court’s permission first which the court would only give if satisfied that:

There has been a “significant change of circumstances” since the special guardianship order was made and there is a chance that the application to end the order will be successful, and it is in the child’s best interests for the application to be heard.

It may be that the child’s mother was referring to going back to court in relation to contact with her daughter. When the court made the SGO they either made a Child Arrangements Order setting out the arrangements for the child to see her mother or they may have left contact to you, her Special Guardian’s discretion e.g. for you to decide based on what is best for the child.

Contact is always about the child’s needs and decisions made are based on her best interests. If she is unhappy with the contact she is having, she can go back to court in relation to an existing CAO or to apply for a CAO. However, the court will consider how she has engaged so far and how she has worked with you.

I agree with Robin that you should:

• Contact the Special Guardianship Support Team in the local authority area that was involved when the order was made. They should be able to support and advise you and offer mediation to help sort out contact arrangements.

• Access support for yourself either via a kinship care support group or Kinship’s Someone like Me peer support service.

If the child’s mother does make a court application, then you can get private law advice from one of the following services:

• Child Law Advice. They do have a telephone helpline which you can reach on 0300 330 5480. In addition, they offer helpful information and guidance for parents/carers in your type of situation and have ‘how to’ guides that you can download for around £2 each. Please do check out their website.

• Advicenow is a website that helps you find the best information and advice for your legal problems. You can choose from a range of categories, such as divorce and separation, child custody and residence, and more.

Rights of Women. Their family law telephone advice lines can advise you on divorce, cohabitation, parental responsibility and arrangements for children, domestic violence and abuse, finances, and property on relationship breakdown, and more.

I hope this is helpful.

If you have a question about your family’s involvement with children’s services, please do contact us again. You can repost on this forum or send us an advice enquiry form detailing your current involvement with children’s services and your specific question.

Our Advice Service also offers:  

• Easy to follow online information. Features include an A-Z, FAQs, films, ‘top tips’ and legal advice sheets; 

• A  webchat service where you can message an adviser online, who will help you find information and advice to support you. 

• A free telephone advice line open Monday to Friday between 9.30am and 3pm (excluding Bank Holidays) on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes

Suzie