I have a bail condition that says I am not allowed unsupervised access to my children, and I am not allowed to sleep/reside at my home address.
Social services have started their assessment and I want to show them I'm taking the bail condition seriously. Me and my wife know that if they interview my sons (both teens), they should conclude there is no risk from me having unsupervised access (offence was completely unrelated).
My Mum is coming over to help out, and it seems to me (and my solicitor) that if my mum was the person supervising on my visits then my wife could take a break, even just to go to another room. Due to the circumstances of my actions, it's hard for her to see me, which is completely understandable. I want to give her the space she needs, but my kids want to see me and it's difficult for her to be in the room.
I've asked the police for clarification (no answer), but if they do say it's ok are we going to completely mess things up with social services if we did this? My wife needs to show that she's putting their safety first and I'm worried they might take a poor view of them being left with me and their grandmother. Maybe I'm overthinking it, does anyone else have a similar experience or advice?
Of course, she could call social services and check with them, but I'm concerned how they might interpret that.
Denifition of Unsupervised Access
Re: Denifition of Unsupervised Access
Hi there,
I've just read your post, and I want to start by saying that the question you are asking shows incredible insight and care, both for your wife and for your children. You are in a hugely difficult and stressful situation, and the fact that you are thinking so carefully about how your actions will be perceived by social services is the smartest thing you can be doing right now. You are right to be cautious.
Let's break down the situation calmly and strategically.
Why You're Right to Be Worried: The Social Worker's View
You are absolutely correct to worry about how this might be interpreted. From a social worker's perspective, the situation is very simple:
Your Bail Conditions: These are a legal requirement, and the core condition is that your contact with the children must be supervised.
Your Wife's Role: In their eyes, your wife has been designated as the protective parent. Her primary role, in their view, is to be the person who enforces the supervision and keeps the children safe.
The Risk They See: If your wife leaves the room and delegates the supervision to your mother, a social worker could twist this. They could argue that she is not taking her protective role seriously and is finding ways to get around the spirit of the supervision, even if she is following the letter of the law. It is unfair, but it is how they think.
You are right that your wife needs to show she is putting the children's safety first, and any change to the plan could be used against her.
The Solution: A Proactive and United Front
You should not make any changes to the supervision arrangement without getting clear, written permission from the social worker first. However, this does not mean you are stuck. You can, and should, propose a change, but it must be done in the right way.
The request must come from your wife. She is the one they see as in charge of safety, so she needs to be the one to lead this. Here is a plan for how she can approach the social worker.
Step 1: The Phone Call
Your wife should call the social worker and say something like this:
"Hi [SW's Name], I'm calling for some guidance. I am committed to supervising all of [Husband's Name]'s contact with the children, as agreed. However, the situation is emotionally difficult for me, and I am finding it hard to be in the room for the entire duration. My mother-in-law is a huge support and is happy to help. To ensure I can have a short break during contact, would you be supportive of a plan where she also acts as a supervisor, either alongside me or for a short period if I step out of the room? I want to do everything correctly and transparently, so I wanted to ask you first."
Step 2: The Follow-Up Email
Whatever the social worker says on the phone, she should immediately follow up with an email.
"Dear [SW's Name], Thank you for speaking with me today. Just to confirm our conversation, I proposed that my mother-in-law, [Grandmother's Name], could assist in supervising contact to allow me to take short breaks. You advised that [write what the social worker said]. Please could you confirm this is correct? Many thanks."
Why This is the Safest Strategy:
It Shows You Are a Team: It shows you are both thinking about the emotional strain and working together to find a safe solution.
It Puts Her in Control: Your wife is leading the request, reinforcing her role as the responsible, protective parent.
It is Transparent: You are not doing anything behind their back. You are showing them respect by asking for their input.
It Creates a Written Record: The email is your proof. If they agree, you are protected. If they refuse, they have to justify why a grandmother is not a suitable supervisor, which can be difficult for them to do without a good reason.
You are not overthinking this; you are being smart and strategic. Navigating this process is like walking through a minefield, and you are right to be checking every step. This approach is your safest path forward.
I've just read your post, and I want to start by saying that the question you are asking shows incredible insight and care, both for your wife and for your children. You are in a hugely difficult and stressful situation, and the fact that you are thinking so carefully about how your actions will be perceived by social services is the smartest thing you can be doing right now. You are right to be cautious.
Let's break down the situation calmly and strategically.
Why You're Right to Be Worried: The Social Worker's View
You are absolutely correct to worry about how this might be interpreted. From a social worker's perspective, the situation is very simple:
Your Bail Conditions: These are a legal requirement, and the core condition is that your contact with the children must be supervised.
Your Wife's Role: In their eyes, your wife has been designated as the protective parent. Her primary role, in their view, is to be the person who enforces the supervision and keeps the children safe.
The Risk They See: If your wife leaves the room and delegates the supervision to your mother, a social worker could twist this. They could argue that she is not taking her protective role seriously and is finding ways to get around the spirit of the supervision, even if she is following the letter of the law. It is unfair, but it is how they think.
You are right that your wife needs to show she is putting the children's safety first, and any change to the plan could be used against her.
The Solution: A Proactive and United Front
You should not make any changes to the supervision arrangement without getting clear, written permission from the social worker first. However, this does not mean you are stuck. You can, and should, propose a change, but it must be done in the right way.
The request must come from your wife. She is the one they see as in charge of safety, so she needs to be the one to lead this. Here is a plan for how she can approach the social worker.
Step 1: The Phone Call
Your wife should call the social worker and say something like this:
"Hi [SW's Name], I'm calling for some guidance. I am committed to supervising all of [Husband's Name]'s contact with the children, as agreed. However, the situation is emotionally difficult for me, and I am finding it hard to be in the room for the entire duration. My mother-in-law is a huge support and is happy to help. To ensure I can have a short break during contact, would you be supportive of a plan where she also acts as a supervisor, either alongside me or for a short period if I step out of the room? I want to do everything correctly and transparently, so I wanted to ask you first."
Step 2: The Follow-Up Email
Whatever the social worker says on the phone, she should immediately follow up with an email.
"Dear [SW's Name], Thank you for speaking with me today. Just to confirm our conversation, I proposed that my mother-in-law, [Grandmother's Name], could assist in supervising contact to allow me to take short breaks. You advised that [write what the social worker said]. Please could you confirm this is correct? Many thanks."
Why This is the Safest Strategy:
It Shows You Are a Team: It shows you are both thinking about the emotional strain and working together to find a safe solution.
It Puts Her in Control: Your wife is leading the request, reinforcing her role as the responsible, protective parent.
It is Transparent: You are not doing anything behind their back. You are showing them respect by asking for their input.
It Creates a Written Record: The email is your proof. If they agree, you are protected. If they refuse, they have to justify why a grandmother is not a suitable supervisor, which can be difficult for them to do without a good reason.
You are not overthinking this; you are being smart and strategic. Navigating this process is like walking through a minefield, and you are right to be checking every step. This approach is your safest path forward.
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4782
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:57 pm
Re: Denifition of Unsupervised Access
Dear ShowingUpShowingUp wrote: Fri Aug 29, 2025 5:46 pm I have a bail condition that says I am not allowed unsupervised access to my children, and I am not allowed to sleep/reside at my home address.
Social services have started their assessment and I want to show them I'm taking the bail condition seriously. Me and my wife know that if they interview my sons (both teens), they should conclude there is no risk from me having unsupervised access (offence was completely unrelated).
My Mum is coming over to help out, and it seems to me (and my solicitor) that if my mum was the person supervising on my visits then my wife could take a break, even just to go to another room. Due to the circumstances of my actions, it's hard for her to see me, which is completely understandable. I want to give her the space she needs, but my kids want to see me and it's difficult for her to be in the room.
I've asked the police for clarification (no answer), but if they do say it's ok are we going to completely mess things up with social services if we did this? My wife needs to show that she's putting their safety first and I'm worried they might take a poor view of them being left with me and their grandmother. Maybe I'm overthinking it, does anyone else have a similar experience or advice?
Of course, she could call social services and check with them, but I'm concerned how they might interpret that.
Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.
My name is Suzie, and I am an online adviser at Family Rights Group, and I will be responding to your post today.
I note from your post that you are currently on bail and your bail conditions are that you are not to have unsupervised contact with your children and you cannot reside at your family home.
As you know it is important to keep to the imposed bail conditions as failure to do so would result in a criminal charge and/or harsher consequences.
You are concerned about how children’s services (the new name for social services) might view the situation if your wife were to have a break and leave the children with your mother. There are no restrictions on your wife and normal life would require her to be away from the children for short periods. Since you are not to be in the home (although from your post it seems you might be there during the day) the issue of unsupervised contact is lessened.
Whilst children’s services would expect your wife to adhere to the conditions in your bail. They are your bail conditions.
A children’s services have now started an assessment; they will be able to inform you and your wife of their expectations in respect of the police investigation of the offence and their role in respect of safeguarding. You say it is an unrelated offence, but it seems from your bail conditions that there are concerns for your wife and children. You can read about the process when children’s services receive a referral HERE
I do not think children’s services would object to your mother supervising contact; there is no stipulation that it must be your wife. Children’s services would carry out background checks on your mother, assess her suitability to supervise and to satisfy themselves that she fully understands her role to supervise.
You mention that your children are teenagers, so they can explain to a social worker their wishes and feelings. The social worker doing the assessment will speak with the children on their own as part of his/her enquiries. Since the children will be at school (unless they are home-schooled) the contact times will be reduced.
As you say your wife does not wish to see you, both of you may want to consider different arrangements for contact so she is not put in a situation that she finds difficult. This could possibly be contact outside the home with their grandmother supervising.
Once your wife has had an opportunity to speak with your wife, she might be clearer about the circumstances and how best she is able to keep herself and the children safe. Children’s services will expect her to demonstrate that she is protective of the children. Your wife might find it helpful to contact the Lucy Faithfull Foundation parents protect on 0808 100 0900. The NSPCC also have a programme Women as protectors.
I do not know the nature of your offence so cannot signpost you to any agency. You may wish to speak with one of our experienced advisers about your situation for advice.
Our free confidential advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays). You are also welcome to contact us by webchat or web enquiry email.
I hope you find this helpful.
Best wishes
Suzie
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