New relationship & social services got in touch

[Boopywhoopy]

Hello
I met someone around 5 months ago. Everything was going great until his ex wife started trying to split us up.
She had him arrested and made false accusations about him. She contacted Claire's Law on my behalf, not to protect me but to cause harm.
I knew everything before I saw the domestic abuse officer that day. She then said that she would have to contact social services. I have 2 beautiful children and love being a mum.
Social services got in touch the next day and basically risk me I had to leave him or I wouldn't be prioritizing my kids. He is an amazing dad. Has no history of child abuse and I have proof that he was the abused and also how much of an amazing dad he is.
My question is, can they really control us like this? He doesn't even have a criminal record as the statement was retracted and bail conditions lifted.
How does he live a normal life and have a relationship if he is being controlled this way?
I have chosen not to get the social services involved. But I wonder, if was to, how would that be and what would I expect?
I don't want to end this relationship..
I have kept him away from the kids to be safe. And I am happy to do this if it means that we can still be together but he has huge anxiety and is saying how he thinks he needs to end us now to protect us. My whole life has been turned upside down. And the kids miss him..
Any advice would be greatfully appreciated, thanks

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Boopywhoopy

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser, and I will reply to you today.

I am sorry to hear about your difficult family situation. I understand that it is causing you a dilemma. I will provide advice and information below that I hope will be helpful to you. Please note that Family Rights Group’s remit and funding is to provide advice to families with involvement from English children’s services and so the advice below relates to the situation in England. We provide useful links to services in other parts of the UK here so please do check if that is relevant to your situation.

You explain that you are a mother of 2 children and have recently begun a new relationship. Your new partner is alleged to have been domestically violent to his ex-wife. You don’t think that the allegations are true, and you believe that his ex-wife maliciously reported him to the police who arrested him. His bail conditions have now been lifted. As a result of a Clare’s Law disclosure to you, the domestic abuse officer made a referral to children’s services. Please see our advice materials on domestic abuse. Children’s services are responsible for supporting children and families and protecting vulnerable children. So, they may be concerned if children are exposed to a relationship where an adult may be domestically abusive.

Children’s services recommended that you don’t continue your relationship with your new partner to protect the children from possible domestic abuse. You don’t want to end the relationship but have taken protective action by making sure that your children do not have any contact with your partner. You feel that you are both being controlled by children’s services although they are not currently involved. Their only role is in relation to your parenting and what they recommend that you as a parent do to keep your children safe. You are prepared to keep your relationship with your partner separate from your children to safeguard them but are wondering what would happen if children’s services did become involved e.g. if you no longer wanted to keep to the current arrangements where your relationship with your partner does not involve your children.

It is likely that children’s services would assess your children’s situation more thoroughly. Please see this information about how children’s services work. There are different possible outcomes to an assessment which are set out in the link above. The social worker would need to let you know how they propose to proceed. You may find it helpful to discuss your situation with a domestic abuse practitioner so that you have an opportunity to explore matters fully. Please see details of domestic abuse services here.

I hope that this helps. If you need any further advice about children’s services’ involvement in England, please post back or contact the advice service via one of our alternative advice options linked to here.

Best wishes

Suzie