child on child abuse - what do I do to make them listen?

[iamatiredmum]

Hi - I wonder if anyone can help as I feel like I"m going mad. I have four children, three of whom are disabled. The youngest is autistic and seven and a child in need in the complex disabilities team. He is incredibly violent and I think enacts child on child abuse on his nearest sibling, who is a girl and aged nine. She is also autistic.

In the last month alone, he has stamped on her head, threatened her with a knife and pulled her along the ground by her hair (several times). But my efforts to get her supported by social care have come to nothing. I keep being told that we have to see if her early help worker's involvement will provide sufficient support before they review her needs.

I have formally submitted an assessment of needs request for her, and also a revised carers' assessment for the whole family (she is a young carer) back in February to the LA and haven't even had a response.

I rang the duty social care team to report the child on child abuse and was just told that I need to pick this up with her brother's social worker. But I have raised it with them and they keep telling me she doesn't meet the threshold for an assessment.

ARGGGHHH - feel like I'm losing my mind.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Iamatiredmum

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser. I will reply to your post here.

I am very sorry to hear about your difficult family situation. I can see that you have a lot to contend with. You are a mother of 4 children; 3 with disabilities including your youngest child who is autistic, has a high level of needs and displays violent behaviour especially towards his 9-year-old sister who is also autistic. You describe how your youngest child stamped on his sister’s head, threatened her with a knife, and pulled her along the ground by her hair several times. You state that all these incidents happened in the last month.

Your daughter has an early help worker, your son has a social worker from the complex disabilities team, you reported the recent incidents to the duty social worker who advised you to discuss with your son’s social worker and to keep working with early help in relation to your daughter before children’s services will review her needs.

You have formally asked for your daughter’s needs to be assessed, and you have asked for your carers’ assessment to be reviewed. You have been waiting since February for a response to your request for a review of the carers’ assessment.

It sounds as if you have been very proactive, shared information with all the professionals involved, sought support and new or revised assessments but have been left with inadequate support where your son’s needs may be escalating and your daughter is being physically hurt by her brother.

It is understandable that you are feeling so frustrated as there is no coordinated approach to your family’s situation and that you are being left to manage without adequate support in a very challenging situation.

As your son has a social worker from the complex disabilities team, he should have a robust package of support in place to meet his needs (and yours as his main carer) which could include direct payments, short breaks, and personal budgets. I am guessing that there is some support in place, but it is insufficient for your son’s needs or not been implemented fully. This table provides a summary of how the law says children with disabilities should be helped.

You may already be in a complaints process but if not then I would strongly recommend pursuing this as children’s services must respond to your requests for support, provide a reason if not able to do so and a timescale for implementation. Please see our advice on complaints and complaining beyond children’s services here.

Your daughter’s situation is currently being dealt with under Early Help. But there is a spectrum of ways in which children’s services can support and protect children as can be seen here. You have formally asked children’s services to assess your daughter’s needs for the reasons you have explained and as early help is insufficient. If they refuse, please ask them to put in writing to you their reasons and how they suggest your daughter can be safeguarded and supported without extra support. You may need to consider making a complaint about this too.

I would suggest that you ask for an urgent meeting with your daughter’s early help practitioner, your son’s social worker, their school /education leads, SEN support or advocates and any other key professionals involved to review the current situation and ensure that they help put plans in place to keep all the children safe and well.

You could consider getting legal advice from a disability specialist lawyer or legal service or charity. Please check legal aid availably. I will add some links below to services that may be of use to you, including family and emotional support/listening ear services:

• Disability advice services
• Legal advice and information
• Contact’s Listening Ear service
• Family Line emotional support charity.

I hope this helps. I understand that your situation is very complicated so if you would prefer to discuss with an adviser please call the freephone advice line on 0808 8010366 (open 9.30 am to 3.00 pm, Mon to Fri) or send an advice enquiry.

Best wishes

Suzie