My daughter (18) with special needs is 20 weeks pregnant. She went into care at 12 after being out of parental control, she is autistic, CPTSD, mental health and spent most of her life in supported living as well as being in and out of psychiatric hospitals and Police custody. At 18 they evicted her and she became pregnant within a week. She wants to keep the baby and I am currently paying for her to live in a private flat (adults have refused to support and closed the books) as they say her mental health is behaviour related.
I am so torn and so confused. I am a single female, nearly 50 working full time and currently live with my son. I do have my own property which is rented out. Reason being is I travel for work. I thought for years to get my daughter home to the point I couldn't cope anymore.
With regards to the baby one day I think how can I cope at my age and in my situation bringing up a baby, I wouldn't be able to work and therefore couldn't keep a roof over our head or my daughters. How would I cope on my own and would it mean the relationship would end with my daughter. If I don't offer to take the baby I wouldn't be giving my daughter the opportunity to be a mum if she got the support she needed and visions of the baby being removed would destroy us both.
Another day I think, yes, I can find a way - but I just don't know.
I am dreading the day the SW phones me to ask if I will be assessed as I am ill informed and just don't understand the complexity of it but also not sure if I could manage looking after a baby full time or even manage wondering if each baby I walk past is my grandchild.
So many sleepless nights. I just don't know what to do.
Any advice welcome.
SW has told daughter baby will be removed at birh
Re: SW has told daughter baby will be removed at birh
Get the social workers number and reach out. They will be able to fully explain their plans - will they be giving your daughter a chance in a mother and baby unit to see how she copes? If the baby is being removed at birth then it is likely that they will be looking for adopters. You can ask them any questions and see what options there are available to you. You don’t have to commit to anything, you can undergo an assessment and still decide not to take parental responsibility of the baby. Definitely get in touch with them as it will be much more straightforward to have a plan started now than when the baby arrives.
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 1114
- Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:25 pm
Re: SW has told daughter baby will be removed at birh
Dear Woowoo,
Welcome to the Kinship Carers’ Forum and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am an online adviser responding to you today.
I am sorry to hear that you are stressed and having sleepless nights.
You explain that your 18-year-old daughter who has autism, complex post-traumatic stress disorder and other mental health issues is now 20 weeks pregnant.
You can read more about the different stages and decisions in how children’s services work with parents to be here.
You write that the social worker has told your daughter that there are sufficient concerns for the baby’s safety for removal at birth to be a possibility. This suggests that there has been a pre-birth assessment or that a pre-birth assessment is in progress. You can read more about the good practice guidelines for pre-birth assessments here.
If the social worker has been so definite, it is possible that the pre-proceedings process (sometimes called public law outline) has been started and your daughter should ask whether this is the case. Not all local authorities start pre-proceedings at this stage. You can read more about pre-proceedings here. If pre-proceedings have begun your daughter will be entitled to free legal advice from a solicitor.
The main point is that your daughter should be made aware of the details of the safety concerns in writing. This way she has time to work on her response and consider what support she could seek to address the risks so that the potential for the baby to be safe in her care is given every chance.
Where the local authority is considering bringing care proceedings after birth – they should be clear about the following ;-
• Pre-birth assessments;
• Agreeing arrangements for support of the parents before and after the birth;
• Agreeing arrangements after the baby’s discharge from hospital, and the timescales anticipated; (Is a parent and baby placement available? Or could mother and baby live with you or another relative?)
• Assessment of parental care following the birth and any follow up assessments required;
• Contact arrangements. (It is vital that your daughter can spend quality time with her baby in the early days and months)
• If your daughter agrees to the baby being accommodated (in care under a voluntary agreement) immediately after the birth under, Section 20 of the Children Act 1989 how will consent be sought? More details about S.20 are here.
You write very movingly about your dilemma in considering whether you can offer to step in to care for your grandchild if necessary and you are very wisely thinking through all the practicalities.
There are two stages for you to think about - what you can or can’t offer in the early days after the baby’s birth – and what you can or can’t offer re longer term or permanent care.
Before you think through your options, it should be considered whether there are other family members or friends who could also offer help. You do not mention the baby’s father or his family. There could be members of the paternal family who would be willing to help, and this should be explored. A family group conference is a way for close and extended family to come together with the help of a professional chair to think through what could be offered by the network of people connected to the baby. You can read more about family group conference here. There is a discussion about family group conference at the pre-proceedings stage here.
Should your granddaughter be placed with you initially you should ask to be assessed as a temporary kinship foster carer. You can read about this process on the kinship foster care pages here.
The financial and practical support available to both temporary and longer-term kinship foster carers is also discussed in the web pages on kinship foster care.
So far, I have only discussed temporary kinship care options. Care proceedings, if started, are conducted over 26 weeks so that all the permanent options for care of your granddaughter could be properly considered and assessed and arguments presented to the family court. Information about care proceedings is here.
Should you decide that you wish to be assessed as a permanent carer for your granddaughter the first step would be a viability (or initial friends and family assessment).
You can read about what is involved in a viability assessment here
There are different types of kinship care arrangement, and you would need time and further advice to consider which would be the best for you in the long term in terms of financial provision and practical support. You can read more about the different types of kinship care arrangement here.
You mention that your daughter was in care from age 12 so she will be entitled to support as a care leaver. You can read more about this here.
Become are a national charity that supports care leavers here.
Help at Hand is the Children’s Commissioner service set up to advise and assist care leavers here.
Birth Companions is a women’s charity dedicated to tackling inequalities and disadvantage during pregnancy, birth and early motherhood. You or daughter may find useful information and advice and resources on their websitehere.
Best wishes,
Suzie
Welcome to the Kinship Carers’ Forum and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am an online adviser responding to you today.
I am sorry to hear that you are stressed and having sleepless nights.
You explain that your 18-year-old daughter who has autism, complex post-traumatic stress disorder and other mental health issues is now 20 weeks pregnant.
You can read more about the different stages and decisions in how children’s services work with parents to be here.
You write that the social worker has told your daughter that there are sufficient concerns for the baby’s safety for removal at birth to be a possibility. This suggests that there has been a pre-birth assessment or that a pre-birth assessment is in progress. You can read more about the good practice guidelines for pre-birth assessments here.
If the social worker has been so definite, it is possible that the pre-proceedings process (sometimes called public law outline) has been started and your daughter should ask whether this is the case. Not all local authorities start pre-proceedings at this stage. You can read more about pre-proceedings here. If pre-proceedings have begun your daughter will be entitled to free legal advice from a solicitor.
The main point is that your daughter should be made aware of the details of the safety concerns in writing. This way she has time to work on her response and consider what support she could seek to address the risks so that the potential for the baby to be safe in her care is given every chance.
Where the local authority is considering bringing care proceedings after birth – they should be clear about the following ;-
• Pre-birth assessments;
• Agreeing arrangements for support of the parents before and after the birth;
• Agreeing arrangements after the baby’s discharge from hospital, and the timescales anticipated; (Is a parent and baby placement available? Or could mother and baby live with you or another relative?)
• Assessment of parental care following the birth and any follow up assessments required;
• Contact arrangements. (It is vital that your daughter can spend quality time with her baby in the early days and months)
• If your daughter agrees to the baby being accommodated (in care under a voluntary agreement) immediately after the birth under, Section 20 of the Children Act 1989 how will consent be sought? More details about S.20 are here.
You write very movingly about your dilemma in considering whether you can offer to step in to care for your grandchild if necessary and you are very wisely thinking through all the practicalities.
There are two stages for you to think about - what you can or can’t offer in the early days after the baby’s birth – and what you can or can’t offer re longer term or permanent care.
Before you think through your options, it should be considered whether there are other family members or friends who could also offer help. You do not mention the baby’s father or his family. There could be members of the paternal family who would be willing to help, and this should be explored. A family group conference is a way for close and extended family to come together with the help of a professional chair to think through what could be offered by the network of people connected to the baby. You can read more about family group conference here. There is a discussion about family group conference at the pre-proceedings stage here.
Should your granddaughter be placed with you initially you should ask to be assessed as a temporary kinship foster carer. You can read about this process on the kinship foster care pages here.
The financial and practical support available to both temporary and longer-term kinship foster carers is also discussed in the web pages on kinship foster care.
So far, I have only discussed temporary kinship care options. Care proceedings, if started, are conducted over 26 weeks so that all the permanent options for care of your granddaughter could be properly considered and assessed and arguments presented to the family court. Information about care proceedings is here.
Should you decide that you wish to be assessed as a permanent carer for your granddaughter the first step would be a viability (or initial friends and family assessment).
You can read about what is involved in a viability assessment here
There are different types of kinship care arrangement, and you would need time and further advice to consider which would be the best for you in the long term in terms of financial provision and practical support. You can read more about the different types of kinship care arrangement here.
You mention that your daughter was in care from age 12 so she will be entitled to support as a care leaver. You can read more about this here.
Become are a national charity that supports care leavers here.
Help at Hand is the Children’s Commissioner service set up to advise and assist care leavers here.
Birth Companions is a women’s charity dedicated to tackling inequalities and disadvantage during pregnancy, birth and early motherhood. You or daughter may find useful information and advice and resources on their websitehere.
Best wishes,
Suzie
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