Worried about unborn baby

[Shanshan]

Hi going to try and keep it short and sweet.

Basically a few years ago there was dv in my relationship with my partner and neighbour kept calling the police on us. Eventually children’s services advised it wasn’t safe for my son and I had to sign a section 20, it escalated to plo and we was in this for over 2 years. I was scared and didn’t notify them I was still with my son’s dad and managed to get my son home back in my care. I had changed areas in between this and was advised the local authority where I had moved will visit my son to check he’s settled in ok. They turnt up unannounced and caught my partner at my home as there was a safety plan in place. They started proceeding to remove my son. The previous local authority said they shouldn’t have removed him as there wasn’t any call outs to trigger the removal. Anyway we completed parenting assessments but because of time scales it was considered not safe at the time for him to return. Luckily my partners parents were able to look after my son and there is now an interim care order in place where they are looking after him as foster carers not under an SGO. My son was removed for dv, my mental health and my partners cannabis use and emotional harm.
The order was finalised about 3 months ago and I have found out I’m pregnant. My partner has done online courses and so have I, I have done 2 rounds of DBT, counselling, CBT, inspire programme, my partner has also given up cannabis for about 6 months now. I have spoken with my son’s social worker and was honest about my pregnancy and he stated he is positive and happy for us as we have made so many positive changes. We also see our son once a month supervised by grandparents and November at the next review meeting will be granted unsupervised. Just want to know how likely will I be able to keep this baby? Also the LA that took my son will be the same one doing my pre birth assessment and I felt judged because I live in a racist area so I’m so anxious

[Winter25]

Hi Shanshan,

I've just read your post. Please, take a deep breath. I know how terrifying this must be, facing the same local authority that was involved with your son. Your anxiety is completely understandable. However, I want you to know that based on what you have written, you are in a much, much stronger position than you think.

The past is the past. What matters is who you are now, and you have built a powerful case for yourself.

Why This Time is Different: Your Strengths
You asked how likely it is you will be able to keep your baby. In my opinion, it is very likely, because you have already done the hardest work. You are not the same person they dealt with before. You have huge strengths on your side:

You Were Honest:
This is the most important factor of all. By telling the social worker about the pregnancy yourself, you have proven that you have learned from the past. You have shown them you are no longer the person who hides things. You have started this new chapter by building trust, which is a massive victory.

You Have Evidence of Change:
You don't just have promises, you have a list of achievements. Two rounds of DBT, counselling, CBT, the Inspire programme for you, online courses for both of you, and six months of your partner being cannabis-free. This is the concrete, verifiable evidence they need to see.

The Social Worker is Already on Your Side:
His reaction, being "positive and happy for you", is gold dust. It means he is already seeing you through a lens of success, not failure. He is already building a case for you with his managers.

Your Family is Stable:
Your partner's parents are successfully caring for your son, which proves you have a strong, safe support network. The fact that your contact is about to become unsupervised is a formal acknowledgement from them that the risk is significantly reducing.
--------------------------------------------------
Your Action Plan for the Pre-Birth Assessment
This is not about you being passively assessed; this is about you presenting your case. You are in the driver's seat.

Step 1: Create your "Evidence Portfolio"
Gather every certificate, attendance record, and completion letter from all the courses and therapy you have both done. Put them together in a file, ready to hand over. This is the proof of your hard work.

Step 2: Write a "Statement of Change"
You and your partner should write a joint statement to give to the new assessment team. It should include:

Insight into the Past: Acknowledge what went wrong before (the DV, the cannabis use, the dishonesty) without making excuses.

The Work You Have Done:
List every single course and therapeutic intervention you have both completed.

Your New Strategies:
Explain what you do differently now. How do you handle stress? How do you communicate when you disagree? How does your partner manage without cannabis?

Your Commitment:
State your absolute commitment to working openly and honestly with all professionals to ensure this baby is safe and thriving.

Step 3: Keep the Current Social Worker on Side
Continue to work positively with your son's social worker. He is your ally. You can ask him for advice: "We want to do everything right this time and be completely transparent. What do you think your managers would see as a positive plan for us and the new baby?"

Addressing Your Fear of Bias
Your fear about facing the same LA and potential racism is real and valid. The best way to fight bias is with facts and a paper trail. Keep a diary of every conversation. After every meeting or important call with the pre-birth assessment team, send a polite email confirming what was discussed. If you ever feel you are being judged unfairly, you will have a written record of what was actually said, not just your word against theirs.

You are not the same people they dealt with before. You have done the hard work, and it is already being recognised. Continue to be honest, be prepared, and be proud of the changes you have made.
===================================================================================================
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi going to try and keep it short and sweet.

Basically a few years ago there was dv in my relationship with my partner and neighbour kept calling the police on us. Eventually children’s services advised it wasn’t safe for my son and I had to sign a section 20, it escalated to plo and we was in this for over 2 years. I was scared and didn’t notify them I was still with my son’s dad and managed to get my son home back in my care. I had changed areas in between this and was advised the local authority where I had moved will visit my son to check he’s settled in ok. They turnt up unannounced and caught my partner at my home as there was a safety plan in place.

They started proceeding to remove my son. The previous local authority said they shouldn’t have removed him as there wasn’t any call outs to trigger the removal. Anyway we completed parenting assessments but because of time scales it was considered not safe at the time for him to return. Luckily my partners parents were able to look after my son and there is now an interim care order in place where they are looking after him as foster carers not under an SGO. My son was removed for dv, my mental health and my partners cannabis use and emotional harm.

The order was finalised about 3 months ago and I have found out I’m pregnant. My partner has done online courses and so have I, I have done 2 rounds of DBT, counselling, CBT, inspire programme, my partner has also given up cannabis for about 6 months now. I have spoken with my son’s social worker and was honest about my pregnancy and he stated he is positive and happy for us as we have made so many positive changes. We also see our son once a month supervised by grandparents and November at the next review meeting will be granted unsupervised. Just want to know how likely will I be able to keep this baby? Also the LA that took my son will be the same one doing my pre birth assessment and I felt judged because I live in a racist area so I’m so anxious

Dear Shanshan

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be replying to you today. I am sorry to hear of your situation. It must be a distressing and stressful time for you and your partner.

Children’s services removed your child from your care due to concerns regarding domestic abuse, substance misuse and mental health concerns. You are pregnant and are concerned that your unborn child will be removed from your care when born. There is care order in place for your son. This was finalised approximately three months ago. He is being cared for by his paternal grandparents under a kinship foster care arrangement. You see your son once a month and family time is going well. The plan is to move this from supervised to unsupervised at the review meeting in November.

From the information shared, you and your partner are working hard to address the risks identified within the care proceedings. You have been open and transparent with the allocated social worker and he has acknowledged the positive changes you and your partner have made.

You are concerned that the prebirth assessment is being carried out by the same local authority who removed your son. You say this authority is racist and that you feel judged before the process starts. You would like to know how likely it is that you will be able to keep your baby when it is born.

I am unable to say how likely it is that you will keep your baby. We do not have all of the information before us, it is outside of our remit of advice, and it is unwise and, in my view, unhelpful to offer predications that are not based on full information.

I would encourage you to keep accessing support services. This will evidence your commitment to address the risk factors identified within the court arena. Children’s services will complete a prebirth assessment, taking into consideration historical information alongside your current situation. I have added HERE our information and guidance regarding pre birth assessments. And HERE further information about assessments when parents have had previous children’s services intervention.

I am sorry to hear you feel anxious. I would encourage you to reach out to professionals - GP and mental health services - if you feel overwhelmed by the process.

You have concerns that the local authority is racist. You shouldn't be discriminated against by public sector organisations. This includes your local council, the police, schools, the NHS and government departments. These are also known as ‘public authorities’.
If you’ve been treated unfairly by a public authority, you should check if what happened is covered by the Equality Act 2010. If it’s covered by the Equality Act, it’s ‘unlawful discrimination’. This means the discrimination is against the law and you can take action about it. Please see the link
HERE for further information.

I hope you find this information helpful. If you would like to talk to an adviser at Family Rights Group about your situation, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, you can post back, use our advice enquiry form or webchat. Please refer to our website for further information.

Best wishes, Suzie

[Shanshan]

Thank you for your reply.

I contacted the LA myself and informed them of my pregnancy. My first booking appointment with the midwife is next thursday at 3pm. A social worker has already contacted me and stated that another social worker who has been assigned to my case will contact me in a few weeks to start the pre birth assessment. She also said that because my som was removed they automatically go to PLO. I told my sons social worker about this call and he was shocked and said this shouldn't be the way they work as they haven't even carried out the assessment yet is there any truth to this? I was honest with her about my anxiety around the situation and she replied that she totally understands and i also told her i just want to work with them to show our new baby will be in a safe and nurturing environment. Ive also started buying items for new baby as well. I currently attend college doing a hairdressing level 2 course, my partner is not working right now but is starting driving lessons and i’ve also signed myself and partner up for some parenting classes as im hoping they will see i have reflected on past mistakes and i am now taking responsibility and using my initiative.

[Tinkerbell67]

The new social worker should be completing the pre birth assessment first and shouldn't be telling you that it will automatically go to plo as they have to follow protocol,if you have a number for the new social worker or email I would personally text or email and ask for confirmation of how the process works so you have evidence of them saying about it automatically going to plo,I'd also at all try not to worry about that and just focus on how well you are both doing the changes you have made, make sure you attend all appointments and continue with any courses.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Thank you for your reply.

I contacted the LA myself and informed them of my pregnancy. My first booking appointment with the midwife is next thursday at 3pm. A social worker has already contacted me and stated that another social worker who has been assigned to my case will contact me in a few weeks to start the pre birth assessment. She also said that because my som was removed they automatically go to PLO. I told my sons social worker about this call and he was shocked and said this shouldn't be the way they work as they haven't even carried out the assessment yet is there any truth to this? I was honest with her about my anxiety around the situation and she replied that she totally understands and i also told her i just want to work with them to show our new baby will be in a safe and nurturing environment. Ive also started buying items for new baby as well. I currently attend college doing a hairdressing level 2 course, my partner is not working right now but is starting driving lessons and i’ve also signed myself and partner up for some parenting classes as im hoping they will see i have reflected on past mistakes and i am now taking responsibility and using my initiative.

Dear Shanshan,

Thank you for your reply and further information. It’s positive to hear that you have informed the local authority of your pregnancy and that they are in touch with you.

However you say that you have been told that because your son was removed from your care the case will automatically go to the PLO process.

I would suggest that you contact the social worker and ask them to clarify this with you in writing. You can then challenge this if you would like to – either informally by discussing with the manager, or formally by making aformal complaint. If it is a policy within the local authority then you can ask for a copy of the document which explains how they work, and again you can challenge this if you wish.

When a social worker carries out an assessment they should work in an open and non-biased way and should not make assumptions based on what happened previously (although of course the recent history does need to be taken into consideration). The aim of a pre-birth assessment is to find out whether you will need any additional support when the baby is born and whether they will be safe in your care. Therefore the social worker should be open to alternative outcomes, such as no further action needed, a child in need plan or child protection plan (or more serious interventions such as care proceedings).

If the local authority do begin the pre-proceedings process (PLO) then I would urge you to contact the solicitor who represented you in the previous proceedings as you will be entitled to legal representation. We have more information HERE about the pre-proceedings process.

It sounds like you have made many positive changes, and that you have every intention of working in partnership with the local authority. This is very commendable and is the best way forward. Please do post again if you have any more questions or wish to discuss anything further.

Best wishes,
Suzie
Family Rights Group Adviser

[Shanshan]

The new social worker should be completing the pre birth assessment first and shouldn't be telling you that it will automatically go to plo as they have to follow protocol,if you have a number for the new social worker or email I would personally text or email and ask for confirmation of how the process works so you have evidence of them saying about it automatically going to plo,I'd also at all try not to worry about that and just focus on how well you are both doing the changes you have made, make sure you attend all appointments and continue with any courses.

We are still awaiting the social worker to be assigned so i don't have a number/email for her yet. What I've done is forward the person who called me to my son’s social worker so he can ask her what the protocol is in this area. And I'm trying to focus on the positives it’s actually my partner who is so anxious because of our previous experiences with them. We are even considering an abortion im 9 weeks now and I keep reassuring him that we have come so far and done so well in our progress and for a removal they cant just use history another incident or something needs to happen before a judge would grant a removal of a child even though this wasn't the case with my sin and they still removed him.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Shanshan,

Thank you for your further post. I am sorry to hear how anxious your partner is about the situation. It must be very stressful for both of you. As the pregnancy is in the very early stages it may take a few weeks before a social worker is assigned to carry out your pre-birth assessment. It is wise to seek support and advice from your son’s social worker in the meantime.

You say that you are considering a termination. I would encourage you to seek support from a specialist organisation that can offer advice and counselling regarding this. The following organisations could be helpful:

- British Pregnancy Advisory Service (BPAS)
- NUPAS
- Brook


I would also encourage your partner to get some emotional support such as therapy or counselling. The following organisations may be able to offer him some support:

- Andy’s Man Club
- PANDAS Foundation
- Samaritans


I hope that this is helpful. Please do post again if you would like to discuss anything further or have any further questions.

Best wishes,
Suzie
Family Rights Group Adviser

[Tinkerbell67]

As Suzie said see if your partner can find some support in regards to his anxiety around them being involved, you have so many positives, try writing down all the positives on post it notes so he can see them.
Although local authorities have to be aware of previous history your new pregnancy should be looked at with an open mind.
Keep doing well and coming here for support.

[Shanshan]

Dear Shanshan,

Thank you for your further post. I am sorry to hear how anxious your partner is about the situation. It must be very stressful for both of you. As the pregnancy is in the very early stages it may take a few weeks before a social worker is assigned to carry out your pre-birth assessment. It is wise to seek support and advice from your son’s social worker in the meantime.

You say that you are considering a termination. I would encourage you to seek support from a specialist organisation that can offer advice and counselling regarding this. The following organisations could be helpful:

- British Pregnancy Advisory Service (BPAS)
- NUPAS
- Brook


I would also encourage your partner to get some emotional support such as therapy or counselling. The following organisations may be able to offer him some support:

- Andy’s Man Club
- PANDAS Foundation
- Samaritans


I hope that this is helpful. Please do post again if you would like to discuss anything further or have any further questions.

Best wishes,
Suzie
Family Rights Group Adviser

Thank you for your help.

So little update. I have had my first booking appointment which the midwife which went well. I had a first inital assessment with the LA thats dealing with my case. She came to my home we updated up with my partners abstinence from cannabis, him completing perpetrators programme, and also doing parenting courses, me doing a college course all the therapy i have done etc. she was very happy at all the progress. She also confirmed she spoke with her manager beforehand and her manager said they havent made a decision to go to PLO as no assessments have been conducted yet. And assured us the pre birth assessment is not to remove baby but to see what support can be offered. She had a look around our home and complimented the cleanliness and organisation of our home as we have started buying baby items. She reassured us that the pre birth assessmnt should start in a few weeks once a social worker has been assigned. Myself and partner made it clear we share the same goal which is to keep baby safe and ensure a naturing and calm environment to ensure baby thrives