What will happen?!

[Starry222]

My partner is subject to an SOR and SHPO from an online offense, I've been friends with him well before the offense and remained in contact, last year that turned into a romantic relationship. I have daughters aged 14 and 12. He's followed every rule, restriction, etc since his release in 2016 and considered very low risk, he just got a new OM who wanted to start the process of getting the SHPO restrictions off completely. Before that however, there was a few occasions he spent the night at my address, any contact with my children has been supervised. Someone (my ex) reported him and he had to be interviewed and has been given a caution, which was for staying overnight at a property where children under 18 reside. Despite his SHPO mentions nothing about this, the SOR only mentions that he needs to tell them if he's living in a property with anyone under 18 which of course he isn't. This whole thing has prompted a refferal to Children's Services understandably. It's been 2 weeks since they received the referral and I've heard nothing. I called them for an update and they've said they never had a referral, I've gone back to the OM who checked and 100% it was sent 14 days ago, he's also sent it AGAIN! Poor on their part but whatever. What should I expect from CS when they call? Will it be a absolutely no contact, will they force me into leaving my partner. I've never had any involvement with police, CS, nothing. Just wanting to hear other people's experiences to prepare myself

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Starry222

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser. I will respond to your post today.

I understand that you are worried about children’s services’ involvement; you have had no previous contact with them. I will provide advice about children’s services’ processes and signposting to services that may also be helpful for you to know about.

I see that you would like to hear from other parents who have been in similar situations so hopefully they will also reply to you.

You explain that you are a mother of 2 daughters aged 12 and 14. They have recently been referred to children’s services by your partner’s Offender Manager. You are in a relationship with a person who is subject to sex offender notification requirements and has a Sexual Harm Prevention Order. I understand that he has been subject to these restrictions for 10 years. One of the SOR notification requirements is that the person must notify the police when residing or staying in a relevant household for a period of at least 12 hours with a child who is under the age of 18. You say that your partner stayed overnight in your family home on more than one occasion. Your ex- partner (I think this may be the girls’ father) was concerned about this and reported it. Your partner was interviewed by the police and given a police caution. This triggered a referral to children’s services to assess your children’s welfare and safety.

I am sorry that you were awaiting contact from children’s services for two weeks until you discovered that they had not received the original referral. It is good that you were proactive in chasing this up and that you let your partner’s Offender Manager know so that they could re-refer. I hope that children’s services will now respond promptly.

They must decide within one working day of receiving a referral if they are going to offer an assessment. They are likely to do so. Please see our advice about how children’s services work here ; this explains what is involved and the principles and procedures they must follow. They will probably ask you to agree to a child in need assessment. We have detailed advice about child in need processes here.

I know that you would like to be prepared for what children’s services will recommend. Unfortunately, it is not possible to predict the outcome of an assessment as this will always depend on the children’s individual needs, the specific risks identified and the protective factors in place. But I hope the following information will help.

You have cared for your daughters successfully and safely until now with no statutory intervention. So, children’s services’ main concern will be that your partner has a history of sexual offending, has a recent caution for staying in your home where your children live, your insight into the risks and how you have and will safeguard your children.

You explain that your partner was considered very low risk by his Offender Manager. That related to risk in the wider community and may have increased now due to his actions which led to his caution. Children’s services’ role is to assess risk to specific children, your children, with whom your partner has spent (supervised) time. Children’s services may want to know if the children are aware of your partner’s history and if they know what to do if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe in any way. Their assessment may explore the circumstances which led to your partner staying overnight, what information he shared with you, your understanding of his restrictions/ notification requirements and why they are in place. You may have already done a Sarah’s Law disclosure or could consider doing so.

Children’s services cannot tell adults who they can have a relationship with. However, they are the lead agency responsible for promoting vulnerable children’s welfare and keeping them safe. This means that they have a role in making recommendations to a parent about how to manage their relationships safely so that children are not put at risk of harm. Your partner is not the children’s father so has no parental responsibility or rights to spend time with your children. So, children’s services may recommend no contact or only supervised contact. However, this does depend on their assessment of individual risks and circumstances.

Children’s services should work with both parents when assessing children’s needs. If your children’s father is worried about them or unhappy with children’s services’ assessment or recommendations, he may consider his options as a father.

It is good that you understand why children’s services are involved, have already been in touch with them and are seeking advice and information. You may have more or different questions as the assessment proceeds so please do seek further advice as needed. I will add links below to information and services that you may find useful:

• A guide to working with a social worker
• Concerns about Sexual abuse
• Stop it now.

I hope this is helpful. Please post back or contact the advice service via one of the advice options here if you need further advice about children’s services.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Starry222]

Thank you for your response


I received an email from social services to contact them this morning and called right away. The conversation started with why the referral was made, the OM had included in the referral that I was aware of all the details and my partner had been full open about his conviction. He said due to my children's ages and the offence related to a child of a similar age that is what they are looking at. He has asked for consent for a child and family planning assessment (presumably this is a section 17 assessment), i agreed with that decision and he said that was positive as if I'd refused he would likely "step it up a notch to child protection plan". He explained this is an holistic assessment that will look at the offense, safety planning, health, education, speaking with my daughters separately, home conditions, community support, extended family support and my ability as a parent to safeguard my children. He asked about the nature of our relationship and I explained we have been friends a long time and tbat had recently turned into somewhat of a romantic relationship but we are both very aware of the repercussions of this and this has been a reason we aren't in a "normal relationship" as such. He asked about the overnight contact i explained this was a handful of times but I couldn't give exact numbers maybe 4-5 times. He asked where he slept i explained in my room my daughters have separate bedrooms each. He said "i probably already know the answer to this but do you have any concerns" i said no, he asked if my daughters have ever raised anything and I said they hadn't. He asked if my family are aware of his conviction to which they are, he actually lives with my mum although I didn't mention this on the phone but I am aware my daughters aren't allowed in the property with SS approval, this will be mentioned when I speak to the allocated social worker though. He made a note that maternal family are aware of everything. I volunteered the information that it has always been supervised contact, he added that and asked if that way my me or other family members and I said both, I explained I have always been close with his family and often the contact is around his family members and mine as we are both close with our families.
He noted on a few occasions he appreciated my openness and honesty. I asked when they received the refferal and he explained they'd only just had it, I did mention i had chased it up myself and contacted the OM to resend it as I hadn't heard anything and he again commented on my willingness to be cooperative. As it is now Friday afternoon it will be sent off today but I will likely not hear from the allocated social worker until the beginning of next week, I also got the number for the duty assessment team to chase it up if I haven't heard by Wednesday.

Could I have some more information of the assessment, what will they ask/want to know? What are the options after this, how long will it take etc

I also mentioned i have a full copy of the SOR and SHPO, it doesn't state anywhere about overnight contact restrictions, only 12 houra or more in the property or where he is temporarily living, although what "temporarily" means I'm not sure, other than that we have followed everything to the letter and he's made a note of this and that I would like some more clarification around this.

My ex husband is not their biological father, they have no contact with their biological father. They are not aware of his conviction due to it being difficult to explain this in an age appropriate way and I would request it stays that way, when i spoke with his OM I said the girls don't know anything and he also stated he would like to keep it that way. Will i be forced to share this information? I have a close relationship with my daughters we talk about absolutely everything, they are aware a referral has been made due to concerns around my partner and that social services are involved, they are very uneasy about speaking with them, I have explained they're there to support us and help us and be an advocate to keep them safe but they are still reluctant to speak to anyone, can I raise this on the call next week?

Any other extra information you can provide will be helpful, thank you again for taking the time to reply it's very much appreciated in this confusing and stressful time

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Starry222

Thank you for your further post. I am glad to hear that children’s services got in touch, and you responded straight away. I know that this is a stressful time for you.

You have agreed to a child and family assessment which is voluntary. The social worker clarified that if you had not agreed they would have had to consider escalating to a child protection enquiry. They acknowledged your willingness to cooperate and that it is a positive.

You had a conversation with the social worker where he asked some clarifying questions, and you responded openly. However, you did not tell him that that your partner currently lives with your mother. You explain that you are aware that your daughters should not visit their grandmother’s home due to this without children’s services’ approval. You are planning to inform the allocated social worker about your partner’s living arrangements when you speak to them. The social worker may want to explore with you and your children the impact for your children of your partner living in your mother’s home which means they cannot go there unsupervised while your partner is there. Your partner’s offender manager should be aware of where he lives and that this is your children’s grandmother’s address.

You have asked for clarification about what ‘temporarily living’ means. It may be helpful to ask both your children’s social worker and your partner’s offender manager what they understand by this. However, as your partner has already received a police caution for staying overnight at a property where children live without notifying the authorities it may be more important to focus on risk rather than the specific definition /language used.

The focus of the assessment is the children’s needs. The social worker has provided a helpful overview of what will be covered in the assessment. It is of note that one of the concerns is that your partner’s offence/s were committed against a child/ren of a similar age. This may be seen as an increased risk factor.

Both families are aware of your partner’s history and hopefully also know about his recent caution. You explain that you and your partner are close to your families and that when your partner has had supervised contact with your children this has often been around both families. While families’ knowledge of an offender’s history can increase safety for children it can also sometimes be a concern that sexual offenders build trust and relationships with partners and their family members to deflect concerns.

Although both families are aware of your partner’s sexual offending, your children are not; you would prefer not to tell them. You say that your partner’s offending manager agreed that he would also like to keep that information from the children. As the lead agency responsible for protecting children, the social worker may recommend that it is in the children’s best interests for you to share this information with them, in an age-appropriate way so that they can keep safe. It sounds as if you have a very close relationship with your daughters and talk openly about many subjects, but you are worried about whether or how to discuss this topic. At 14 your eldest daughter is likely to be aware of online sexual harm and to have had classes at school about these issues. It is your decision as a parent what information you choose to share with your children however the social worker may want to discuss this with you and recommend what they advise you to do. It is a good idea for you to be talk to the social worker about your worries about what to tell the children about why there are concerns around your partner. You can also get advice from the NSPCC or Stop it Now about this.

The assessment will address the children’s developmental needs, your parenting capacity and family and environmental factors which encompass all the above and more. The social worker is expected to speak to children alone as part of their assessment but if they want to have another adult present you can discuss this. Children’s have a maximum of 45 working days to complete their assessment, and they should provide you with a copy once it is completed. They will make a recommendation about what happens next e.g. whether to offer you a child in need plan or, if they are concerned about risk of significant harm, begin child protection enquiries.

I hope that this has helped.

Please post back if you have any further questions. If you prefer, you can call our freephone advice line on 0808 800 0366 (Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm), send an advice enquiry or use webchat.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Starry222]

Call from allocated social worker today - she has informed me after a strategy review meeting earlier this week this is now a section 47 assessment. She has advised I tell them about the conviction after I called her back and asked and gave me some guidance on how to approach this. She is conducting a visit tomorrow. Absolutely petrified about the whole ordeal and this will end up as a CPP. I'm so anxious and worried about the outcome, she briefly explained what happens after the assessment but honestly the first part of the conversation being a section 47 threw me and I can't remember much of the phone call now

[Starry222]

Update: SW visited asked lots of questions, my feelings around the conviction, what I've done to manage risk etc, before speaking to my children she said this was likely already in child protection territory, they can't tell me who to have in my life but ultimately they don't feel like the risk can be managed whilst I'm in contact with him. They will now speak to family members, his OM and him, once they've had another strat meeting they'll come back to me to give me the opportunityto "make changes" before going ahead with the CPP. Due to the breach they feel he has intentionally breached the order and because we are both aware of that it shows that i am not able to manage the risk, effectively they've given me an ultimatum. How can I prove the risk is managed if they don't give us the opportunity to? Everything my children said had confirmed what I'd already told them, they are now aware of absolutely everything. They asked if it has changed their opinion of him they said no, then she said well if it was stranger you found this out about would that make your feelings about them different they said I don't know. I asked about contact etc whilst this is ongoing she said no contact with them, he cannot come to the home. My daughters are absolutely distraught! I've explained my concerns, the risk will always be there that's why I was already managing it by making sure it was supervised at all times. I'd offered to put anything in place i need to to show that i can keep them safe etc. Ultimately I "have to start thinking about ending the relationship"

How can anyone move on? Why do they do all these things to rehabilitate people but then never give them the opportunity to prove it? How can I provide evidence that I can safeguard my children without being given the opportunity to do so?

His OM has said he will help in anyway he can, he is low risk, the SHPO conditions are not needed, he wanted to start to process of getting them off completely because they aren't needed. The offense was an online offence, not contact, how if he has 0 contact can he still pose a risk?! If i hadn't asked the police to resend the refferal they'd of never even picked this up, I chased everything up, I stopped all contact whilst it was ongoing, I double and triple checked every single word of the conditions, I've done absolutely everything i can to cooperate and show them i am a good parent, they are safe, they will be kept safe always!! I end the relationship or risk being threatened with my children being taken away, how are people who have done everything they were asked to do ever prove enough that they are entitled to a normal life!

Completely defeated.