Sex Offender Partner - Help

[Hopeful1993]

Hello, my fiancé has 5 weeks left of a 5 year community order, SHPO and being on the SO. We found out we are expecting our first baby and during my first appointment I was asked if either of us had any convictions around children, been involved with probation etc. I was honest and told them about my OH criminal record (possession & distribution of IIOC & voyeurism).

I was told we would be referred to SS and this week we both received a phone call from a SW who said someone would be in touch to speak to us separately about an assessment being carried out. No more details were given and all I was told was that they see him as a tier 4 risk to children, even though MAPPA class him as low risk. No further information was given and I don’t know what to expect. I’m so anxious and driving myself insane googling and nothing is very positive or reassuring.

His SHPO is based around the internet and not being allowed to delete his history, monitoring on his phone etc.

I guess really I'm looking for advice on what happens next, I'm keen for us to stay as a family unit and know SS will be looking to see that I will protect my child. But I've read so much on SS I just don't see a positive outcome, it's such a rollercoaster of emotions.

I'm aware of the services out there to help such as stop it now and LFF and have previously looked at their support for protecting your child and safety plans but it's all new for me and now a reality.

We are due to get married June this year and baby is due August.

Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

[Need help 2021]

Hi I saw your post o was in a similar situation but my son was born before the offence happened and my husband is also on the register for 10 years socil did get involved there were involved since my son was 6 months till now recently they have close the case he will be four next month it has been a nightmare mare I will be honest with you me and my husband can’t stay together and he can see he unsupervised when his son is around 7 or 8 as long he is offence free and he is a low risk .

[Hopeful1993]

Hi Need help 2021, thanks for your reply, I’ve read alot about people who have children or who are expecting but many people are still waiting on proceedings or are just past conviction etc or still have a long time to go on the SO etc.
It’s such a grey area.
We have a SS worker coming to us this week to start her assessment so I can only see what happens from there.

[Need help 2021]

Please check your in box

[Hopeful1993]

Thanks, have done, it’s empty

[Need help 2021]

I just check my send iteams it’s not showing I was going to say you can contact Lucy faithfull and do informplus course with them that is also good for you and you husband can also do course with them and tell socail you want Lucy faith full to do his risk assessment to see wht risk he is .

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Hopeful1993

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am Family Rights Group’s adviser. I am sorry there I was not able to reply to your post sooner. However, you have had some advice from another mother which I hope has been helpful to you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Children’s services have now become involved and are going to complete a pre-birth assessment as your partner is currently subject to the sex offenders’ register and a Sexual Harm Prevention Order due to possessing and sharing child sexual abuse images and voyeurism. You shared your partner’s sexual offending history at your antenatal appointment which was the right thing to do.

You are understandably anxious about what to expect. Please see our information on pre-birth assessments and advice materials about child sexual abuse for information.

Children’s services’ will complete a holistic assessment but their main concern will be to determine what risk your partner may pose to your baby and also your capacity to keep your baby safe. You are already aware of specialist services and programmes who can work with both you and your partner. Another parent has helpfully suggested that you consider engaging with the Lucy Faithfull Foundation to do an Inform programme and your partner an Inform Plus programme or to risk assess your partner if that is needed. Parents Protect , as you have identified, has good information about how to protect children from sexual harm. the Acts Fast charity may also be worth knowing about but some of their services are not available when a woman is pregnant, the baby must be at least 6 months old before they can provide support.

Your partner may have competed a sex offender treatment programme as part of his community order so he should let the social worker know if that is the case.

The assessment of your unborn baby’s needs will be specific to your family situation so it will be important to work with the social worker involved and ask that they be very clear and transparent with you and keep you fully informed. Children’s services are the lead agency when it comes to child protection so their role is looking at the safety and welfare of your baby rather than the safety of children in the wider community. You may find these tips for working with social workers help you ensure that you are able to work well together or know how to address difficulties if they arise. Please see this summary of how children’s services work with families and the possible outcomes of an assessment.

If you have a supportive family/friends network make sure the social worker is aware of this; you could ask for a family group conference to bring them together if that would help you to care for your child or identify trusted adults to supervise your partner’s contact with the baby, if children’s service recommend that is necessary to keep your baby safe.

As you are planning to get married in June and your baby is due in August, be aware that your partner will automatically have parental responsibility for the baby if you are married. Otherwise, you would need to register the baby’s birth with his name on the birth certificate for him to acquire parental responsibility or he would need to obtain it in another way.

You may have more specific queries when the assessment of your baby’s needs has begun so please post back here or contact the advice service via our helpline or our webchat .

I hope the rest of your pregnancy progresses well.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Need help 2021]

Hi I wanted to know how did it go this week as you did say socail service will come to see you .

[Hopeful1993]

Hi Need Help 2021,
I’m not sure how it went, we both felt after they’d gone that we’d not been able to answer some of their questions, they wanted to know specific dates of things and exact offences (as was written on paper) which after 5 years was hard to remember and pinpoint. I’d asked prior to the meeting if there were any details we needed to have ready and we were told no so I felt we were a little unprepared and it made me feel like they thought we should know these things because why wouldn’t you.
I was asked about how I felt when I found out and I felt like all the work I’d done on myself understanding and dealing with it was all being unravelled and 5 years is a long time, things change, you change.
At the moment it’s still a waiting game of me hearing to have my meeting and SS also want to come back to our home and see we have started to plan for baby and made enough preparations which has made me feel under pressure to start buying things I didn’t plan to yet.

[Need help 2021]

Hi hopeful I am soo sorry tohear my love socail can be very hard to handle they will come out of question from no we’re honestly and how comes they want you to buy stuff for the baby now the main thing for you guys is to know if you can stay together because if you can’t you have to think of other stuff .