MBT therap

[MM555]

Hi. My two kids are currently in a foster care. We have a final hearing in April and i am hoping to get my kids back. Everything is going well and i am engaging good with professionals. My apartment is fully renovated and safety measures have been put in place (LA came 3 times and they were very satisfied). I have separated from my abusive bf (thats the reason why the kids were taken away, i failed to protected them so they have witnessed DV). I have finished maybe 10 parenting courses and i went to every hospital app with the kids. I have completely changed my parenting style, i am only doing positive discipline now and last 2 months my contacts with kids are amazing. Staff in the contact centre always praising my parenting skills, my son has special needs and i manage his behaviour amazingly. I have passed the parenting assesment , aslo children’s guardian is very satisfied with my improvement. The only thing is psychological assesment, well i dont have mental health issues, but it is full of critics and some of them are very painful , like i am not willing to change, and i have changed myself and my parenting a lot. Also it is written that due to my avoidance to stress, i might not safeguard children properly which is concern for LA. And i told them the words is one thing and the reality is another thing. I am nursery worker and i have finished safeguarding again recently and i have CACHE level 3 qualification. But all the injuries with kids happened because i was too much busy working and i left them with my ex and he didnt supervise them properly. How can I show them that i can safeguard my kids properly? Also i have to do the MBT therapy for which i think i was misdiagnosed because i dont have Borderline Personality Disorder which is written in my report, but i still have to do the therapy. I dont even want to mention that therapy is for 1 year and i have to pay it, LA can pay 1 or 2 sessions. So it would be 800£ monthly which i dont have…. So probably i will take 2 sessions a months which i can afford. Does anybody knows how likely it would be for me to get the children back? I cant live life like that. My children are crying for me every time. And they want to be back home. I also cant sleep, eat, i have sleeping problems… i just cant imagine my life like this. Thank you

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear MM555

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear about your difficult family situation and the impact that this is having on you.

It is understandable that your experiences have an emotional toll on you, and they can affect your physical wellbeing too. It is important to look after yourself and get support too. Your family and friends may be able to help more. You could talk to your GP about the difficulties you are having eating and sleeping etc and there are several listening and mental health support helplines which may be helpful here.

You may also be interested in the support offered by family support/parenting charities such as Family Line. MATCH is a specialist service for mothers separated from their children.

You are currently going through care proceedings with the final hearing due in April. Your two children are in foster care. You are hoping that the children will be returned home to your care. You are querying how likely it is that the children will be returned to you.

Unfortunately, I cannot say what the outcome will be. Your solicitor is best placed to help you prepare for the final hearing (please see these tips too, take your instructions and consider what decision the court may come to. This guide to working with a solicitor provides suggestions for how you can get the best out of this professional relationship. But I hope that you will also find the advice and information below useful.

You have clearly worked very hard during this time to address concerns that have been raised. You describe all that you have done including separating from your abusive partner, enhancing your parenting skills through parenting programmes and adapting your parenting style, you have improved your home environment and put in safety measures. Most importantly, you describe how you have engaged with professionals, passed your parenting assessment, and impressed the Children’s Guardian with the improvements you have made. It is good to hear that your recent contact with your children has been so positive and that you are managing your son’s needs so well.

You have identified that the main concern is that your psychological assessment has highlighted some issues which the psychologist concludes may impact on your ability to keep your children safe. They also recommend that you complete MBT therapy. I found this explanation of MBT from the Anna Freud Centre helpful. You have explained your concerns about this, although your willingness to do so, but that there is also a cost implication that will make this challenging for you. I can understand how difficult this is.

I cannot advise on mental health issues or treatments but would suggest that you talk to your solicitor about the psychological assessment especially if there are parts that you wish to respond to or challenge. One dilemma parents sometimes face is where there is a conflict between the children’s timescale for stability and the parent’s timescale for change. You should discuss all these issues with your solicitor. They can advise how you can put forward to the court and the parties your willingness to complete the therapy but that you need funding support. You can also discuss with your GP and /or one of the mental health charities linked to here any concerns you have about your diagnosis or misdiagnosis.

I will put a link here to grant-making charities for those who work/have worked in education including nursery in case it is helpful too.

You have already taken many positive steps to improve your family situation and address concerns. Keep on engaging with support, taking on board advice and asking questions about how you can move forward. Make sure you are properly involved in the children’s care planning and Looked After Child review processes; please see here for more information.

I hope this helps.

If you would like to discuss your situation with an adviser, please call our freephone helpline on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm (except bank holidays). If you prefer, please post a further query on this forum, or use our advice enquiry form or webchat facility.

With best wishes
Suzie