My children are in care

[Beck20241990]

Hello

My 4 children were removed from my care on the 29th January 2024 this was the day before my birthday as my daughter had gone to school and allegedly said her brother had sexually harmed her. I had previously always told the local authorities that my son’s behaviour was challenging and at times sexual. For 9 years I had been explained my experiences as a parent and how I needed support.
Thought with the alleged sexual harm that was made , it triggered the new social worker who had only come on the case that day may I add. To remove all my 4 children out my care and put this to MBA which I undertook all assessments such as the parenting assessment, the psychologist assessment. Which both came back that I as a mum had blamed external factors and had not seen the life experience my children had suffered in my care! Which may I add was never extreme. They never had a dirty home and social know this . They always had love care and attention. Clean clothes you name it I always made sure my babies were well looked after. The issues was appropriate supervisions and raising issues of loud voices in the home with abuse of bad language .

I explained in my assessment I take full responsibility for these issues and I am addressing them fully to ensure my children return home to a safe nurturing happy home with all thier needs being Met so they won’t be exposed to any further risk .

But the social worker twisted it and said I blamed external factors and did not see what I had caused as a parent.

So now she’s put it to court we are in a 6 month interim. May I add since these procedures and court not once has she been out to see me or supported me not once has she ever praised me for my contacts which I can confirm have all done so well . They have no safeguarding concerns with me at all. But the social says a hour twice a week with my children dose not show I can parent them efficiently at home so she’s saying they do believe the children should return to me. Thought I have done courses on triple P , managing conflict and anxiety. I have done oral health and keeping safe in the digital world. I have completed complied with social and done all I can. But the social worker keeps saying I’m not going enough . I need to understand she said you can do as many courses as you like they won’t help you. So I said but why? I’m leaning she said no you need to understand the children’s experiences. I said I do and explained so she sat there in silence . I have completed a complaints procedure which was not upheld apparently. I have emailed and called for her management several times and had no reply. I just ignored if I raise with social about my concerns she said here we go again you can’t parent your children so why are you raising concerns. My lawyer had said I am addressing all the concerns raised I have gone above and beyond I have done my children’s bedrooms I have tried so hard emotionally and psychically to make sure everything is correct. I have worked with cafecass who’s been out once. I am awaiting another visit . The social worker has done all sexual examinations on the children which came back clear. She has accused me of poisoning my daughter and hurting my younger one and my son which I have never done and my Lord forgive me I never would! I feel sick to think she’s even said that about me. I been accused of grooming my children which I have never ever ever done or even tried. It’s repulsive eBay she’s saying! I wanna change her but because of previous workers I have abused verbally. They will just say no. I am petrified that she will make sure I never see my children again.

How can I go about this? Please I am doing everything and getting bullied she dose no praise
She sees no good in me
She claims I am not doing anything
She undermined me.

I need some help I am breaking down here.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Beck20241990

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser. I'm sorry for the delay replying to your post and to hear about the difficulties you and your family are experiencing .

I understand this is a very distressing situation for you. It is important that you look after yourself too. There are several services where you can access emotional support if you need it. The services below may be of interest to you:

Family Line
Mothers Apart from their Children
Supportline.

You describe the circumstances leading to care proceedings . The court made temporary care orders.You don’t say who the children are living with. If they are not living with kinship foster carers, please consider if there are family members/friends who could be assessed as carers for the children, to keep them in the family, if they don’t return home to you. Tell your solicitor and social worker if there is anybody to be assessed. If you have not yet had a family group conference (FGC) you can ask children’s services to arrange one.

You asked for support for many years before children’s services began the court case. I am sorry that you did not get the help you asked for. You have done a lot of hard work recently to enhance your parenting skills e.g. Triple P, digital safety, oral health and you did courses to help you manage anxiety and conflict better. You completed parenting and psychological assessments. You attend all your family time sessions with the children, and these have been positive. You also met the Children’s Guardian and are due to meet with them again. It is good to hear that you are being very proactive and making changes to try to show that you can care safely for the children.

You say that your solicitor has confirmed that you are addressing the concerns. But children’s services are not convinced. You feel the social worker is not taking on board your progress, saying it's not enough and that you blame external factors rather than accepting any responsibility for the children’s situation. I can see that this is difficult. You would like to request a change of social worker but are worried that this may be refused. You can ask the social worker’s manager to consider allocating a different social worker. However, I think that you are right that they are unlikely to agree to this especially as you may be approaching the end of the care proceedings. You could ask for a meeting with the social worker and their manager to try to find a better way of working together. I know you have been trying to do this and have also previously made a complaint which was not upheld.

You could also request an advocate to help you; if you have a disability such as a learning disability or mental health needs you may have a stronger argument to ask for this. We have a template letter (1) here to help with this (although it refers to child protection not care proceedings so would need changing). Also, if you have a disability you may be able to have social work support from the relevant adult social care team if you meet their eligibility criteria.

You could contact the children’s Independent Reviewing Officer (IRO) who chairs their Looked After Child reviews(LAC) if you need to raise any concerns about how the care plan for the children is being implemented.

Please see below for links to some of our useful guides for parents:

Working with a social worker
Working with a solicitor
Working with an advocate.

You are worried that the social worker will make sure that you never see your children again. This must be very scary for you. However, it may be helpful to explain more about how decisions are made in court about children’s permanent homes and keeping in touch with their families if they don’t live at home.

The social worker does not make the final decision in care proceedings. She makes a recommendation to the court as does the Guardian. Your solicitor will respond. So will the children’s father/s solicitor. It is the court that decides what if any order to make for children and who should care for them permanently. Please see this explanation here. Parents usually continue to see their children even if they are in foster care or living with another parent or a carer under a court order. Only the court can stop all contact; this seldom happens. It is important for children’s well-being that they can keep in touch with their parents and family and children’s services have a legal duty to promote contact between children and their parents. This usually reduces when a final order is made. Please see here; it is reviewed at every LAC review too.

The best thing for you to do is to continue to keep up all the progress you are making, seeing your children, attending all appointments, and working with the professionals involved. It is especially important that you consult with your solicitor as they are best placed to advise you and are representing you in the court process.

I hope this helps.

If you have any further queries, you can post back, call the freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm, or use the options here.

Best wishes

Suzie