R.e teenages
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Kekeleelee
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2023 11:21 pm
R.e teenages
Hi .my grandaughter (12)my grandson (14) have recently been placed in my care I'm the grandma .they have always been in my life and they haven't had life easy they lived with their mother until the ages (7) and (9) daughter had a break down due to her been sexully abused by her own father . So the kids when to live with there dad .although I still saw my grandchildren I worried about things like there school attendance there appearance.(dad smokes pot everyday of his live never had a job . I feel the money he got for them he spent on takeaways and taxis to school . There were no boundaries in place for them at home. When my grandson was excluded for fighting the police were involved it was me who took him to be inveiwed dad couldn't give a **** .whist of school he was still allowed on xbox no punishment for what he had done .(dad's a gamer too). Fast forward 5 years my g.daughter has disclosed he been sexually abusing her this is why they are with me . My g.daughter is going through a rough time and disclosed this to her only friend .who then informed school and school inform me and rightly so I'm grandaughter now doesn't want to go to school I'm at a loss on what to do socail services don't seem to be helping and seeing her so down its breaking me . I've suggested her moving schools nearer to where I live maybe to the same school her brother is supose to go to due to him been expelled from last school he was placed in a different school she says she doesn't want to . If I mention it she clams up and goes back to her room . With my grandson I know he's just doing what he was allowed to do. I turned the WiFi off one day when he didn't go to school so he took his self to his mums . I've been off work on sick for almost a month and I'm gonna ne struggling financially next month I carnt even give my employer a date for me to return because of the issues I'm having getting them to school . I've asked if work could be sent home for her and told this is not an option .I don't think the school ere considering what she's disclosed about her dad .I'm so worried about her mental health. . As for the grandson he's just acting up as he's not used to having boundaries. I don't want the children to end up in care .any advise for me pls .
Re: R.e teenages
We did put some advice in your other threadviewtopic.php?t=5232, but you do raise a couple of new points here?
You say the school are not taking your granddaughters allegations seriously. Do you know if the police have been informed? You need to check with the social worker if that is the case or not, If not, I suggest you tell them that you will tell the police as these allegations need to be dealt with and it's usually a multi agency approach. I am absolutely astounded that either child is allowed to be with the father until the allegations are investigated.
It may though be that things are going on without your knowledge. You do not have parental responsibility for the child, so certain things may not be shared with you? However, I suggest you put your concerns about what is happening in writing, and marked Private and Confidential to the head of Children's Services at the Local Authority responsible (Name and contact details should be on the authorities website), and copy in the head teacher. Make sure you keep a copy for yourself. I also strongly suggest you start keeping a detailed diary of everything that happens including dates, who said what, what happened, and, very importantly, how the children are and any observations on their behaviour. A notepad beside the bed is ideal, just write up the day before you go to sleep including all contacts with the SW, school etc. It will be a struggle the first few days but you will soon get into the habit. As things progress you will soon find it a very useful aide memoir, especially important if it ends up in court and you get asked to make a statement, as you will then be quoting facts and not working from memory. At the moment, apart from being there, it possibly the best investment you can make for your grandchildren.
Good luck.
You say the school are not taking your granddaughters allegations seriously. Do you know if the police have been informed? You need to check with the social worker if that is the case or not, If not, I suggest you tell them that you will tell the police as these allegations need to be dealt with and it's usually a multi agency approach. I am absolutely astounded that either child is allowed to be with the father until the allegations are investigated.
It may though be that things are going on without your knowledge. You do not have parental responsibility for the child, so certain things may not be shared with you? However, I suggest you put your concerns about what is happening in writing, and marked Private and Confidential to the head of Children's Services at the Local Authority responsible (Name and contact details should be on the authorities website), and copy in the head teacher. Make sure you keep a copy for yourself. I also strongly suggest you start keeping a detailed diary of everything that happens including dates, who said what, what happened, and, very importantly, how the children are and any observations on their behaviour. A notepad beside the bed is ideal, just write up the day before you go to sleep including all contacts with the SW, school etc. It will be a struggle the first few days but you will soon get into the habit. As things progress you will soon find it a very useful aide memoir, especially important if it ends up in court and you get asked to make a statement, as you will then be quoting facts and not working from memory. At the moment, apart from being there, it possibly the best investment you can make for your grandchildren.
Good luck.
Former F&F carer, foster carer, adopter and respite carer for umpteen children. Now retired and when with kids, making sure they 'go home' at the end of the day.
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Kekeleelee
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2023 11:21 pm
Re: R.e teenages
Yes sorry my grandaughter has been interviewed by the police . It was someone in school her friends mum (who works in school). So the wellbeigh women who works in schools doesn't seem to take into account what may grandaughter is going through she's just wanting her to very in school the last time she went she was left in a room on a laptop for 5 hours . I thought she was going to bring the girl whom my grandaughter has lost trust for down to see if they could talk about it.
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Kekeleelee
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2023 11:21 pm
Re: R.e teenages
And the children are in my care and have been since its been disclosed
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 1110
- Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:25 pm
Re: R.e teenages
Dear Kekeleelee
Thank you for your further updating posts. I will reply to them all here. I am very sorry to hear how difficult things are for you and your grandchildren. You are all under great emotional strain, the children are struggling with school and you are experiencing financial pressures.
As another kinship carer, Robin, has said in his helpful response, he and I (Suzie) did reply to your earlier post with some specific advice. Please do have another look at those responses as we have provided links there to information and services that you do need to know about. I will reiterate some of that here as well as it is quite important, in particular, about the role of children’s services and the support that should be provided to both you and your grandchildren.
As your granddaughter has alleged that she has been sexually abused by her father there is likely to be a child protection investigation taking place. This involves both police and children’s services. They work together to protect children but as you know, have distinct roles. The police role is to decide if a crime may have been committed and then to investigate.
Children’s services are the lead agency though when it comes to child protection. Their job is to provide help and support to vulnerable children and to keep them safe from harm. They may remain involved even if the police do not. I provided links to child protection procedures in my last reply so please do read that information as it will help inform you. As Robin has noted, you do not have parental responsibility as a grandmother so it may be that there is information that children’s services or the police have not been able to share with you. However, as the children’s carer they should be able to keep you as updated and informed as they can. You can ask the social worker to clarify what is happening in terms of their assessment and to let you know what to expect. They should also be making it very clear what the current safety plan is for the children and what you are expected to do too. You mention that your grandson went to his mum’s one day when he could not access your Wi-Fi. As part of any temporary safety plan the social worker should be making recommendations about how/when the children see their mother. She does have parental responsibility for them and you don’t mention if there is any court order in place about contact but they left her care a few years ago to live with their father. You mention that the children’s mother had been sexually abused by her father so the current concerns may raise a lot of issues for her too. So the social worker should be advising on how to manage this safely.
You are very worried about how you will manage financially. You have explained that the children were placed with you following your granddaughter’s allegations of sexual abuse. When children’s services place children with a relative in this situation this placement should be treated as a section 20 voluntary arrangement . You should also have been treated as a temporary kinship foster carer. This means that the children should be classed as looked after children (with a range of support put in place for them) and most importantly, that you should be paid a fostering allowance from the date the children were placed with you. I attached a link to our advice sheet on being assessed as a kinship foster carer and our kinship care pages in my last response. However, please also see this link to template letter ( 4) which you can use to formalise this arrangement as from what you say, you have not been paid a fostering allowance and the children are not getting much support including with their education needs. Please see a link here to national minimum fostering allowances. You should not have to worry about how you are going to survive financially if children’s services place children in your care. You may also want to access a copy of the local authority’s kinship care policy to find out more about what support and services can be provided to kinship carers. This link should take you to the council’s policy; if not, you can ask the social worker for a copy of the policy.
If your grandchildren are treated as looked after children then there should be a range of plans put in place for them including in relation to their health and education needs which I can see that you are very worried about. Please see these advice materials here for more details.
Robin has also provided you with some very practical and useful advice about how to make notes about all the issues that are arising and also about the children’s needs which you can then refer to when working with children’s services or if the case does go to court e.g. criminal or family court. You should not have to deal with all of the difficulties you have outlined on your own; the children now have an allocated social worker – they are the key worker for the children and should be liaising with all involved – family and professionals alike – to help the children’s situation. It might be a good idea to confirm by email with the social worker when they are next visiting you and the children so that you can go through all the issues; in the email you can set out all the queries and concerns you have including about school. You can highlight that this is quite urgent as the children are struggling a lot. Please see this guide to working with a social worker which may be useful too.
Please see our two advice sheets on welfare benefits for kinship carers and education advice for kinship carers.
The following may also be of interest to you:
Education advice
Parenting and families
Young Minds
Stop it Now.
If you would like to speak to an adviser about your situation then please call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 pm (except bank holidays) or post again on this discussion board with a further query.
I hope this helps.
Best wishes
Suzie
Thank you for your further updating posts. I will reply to them all here. I am very sorry to hear how difficult things are for you and your grandchildren. You are all under great emotional strain, the children are struggling with school and you are experiencing financial pressures.
As another kinship carer, Robin, has said in his helpful response, he and I (Suzie) did reply to your earlier post with some specific advice. Please do have another look at those responses as we have provided links there to information and services that you do need to know about. I will reiterate some of that here as well as it is quite important, in particular, about the role of children’s services and the support that should be provided to both you and your grandchildren.
As your granddaughter has alleged that she has been sexually abused by her father there is likely to be a child protection investigation taking place. This involves both police and children’s services. They work together to protect children but as you know, have distinct roles. The police role is to decide if a crime may have been committed and then to investigate.
Children’s services are the lead agency though when it comes to child protection. Their job is to provide help and support to vulnerable children and to keep them safe from harm. They may remain involved even if the police do not. I provided links to child protection procedures in my last reply so please do read that information as it will help inform you. As Robin has noted, you do not have parental responsibility as a grandmother so it may be that there is information that children’s services or the police have not been able to share with you. However, as the children’s carer they should be able to keep you as updated and informed as they can. You can ask the social worker to clarify what is happening in terms of their assessment and to let you know what to expect. They should also be making it very clear what the current safety plan is for the children and what you are expected to do too. You mention that your grandson went to his mum’s one day when he could not access your Wi-Fi. As part of any temporary safety plan the social worker should be making recommendations about how/when the children see their mother. She does have parental responsibility for them and you don’t mention if there is any court order in place about contact but they left her care a few years ago to live with their father. You mention that the children’s mother had been sexually abused by her father so the current concerns may raise a lot of issues for her too. So the social worker should be advising on how to manage this safely.
You are very worried about how you will manage financially. You have explained that the children were placed with you following your granddaughter’s allegations of sexual abuse. When children’s services place children with a relative in this situation this placement should be treated as a section 20 voluntary arrangement . You should also have been treated as a temporary kinship foster carer. This means that the children should be classed as looked after children (with a range of support put in place for them) and most importantly, that you should be paid a fostering allowance from the date the children were placed with you. I attached a link to our advice sheet on being assessed as a kinship foster carer and our kinship care pages in my last response. However, please also see this link to template letter ( 4) which you can use to formalise this arrangement as from what you say, you have not been paid a fostering allowance and the children are not getting much support including with their education needs. Please see a link here to national minimum fostering allowances. You should not have to worry about how you are going to survive financially if children’s services place children in your care. You may also want to access a copy of the local authority’s kinship care policy to find out more about what support and services can be provided to kinship carers. This link should take you to the council’s policy; if not, you can ask the social worker for a copy of the policy.
If your grandchildren are treated as looked after children then there should be a range of plans put in place for them including in relation to their health and education needs which I can see that you are very worried about. Please see these advice materials here for more details.
Robin has also provided you with some very practical and useful advice about how to make notes about all the issues that are arising and also about the children’s needs which you can then refer to when working with children’s services or if the case does go to court e.g. criminal or family court. You should not have to deal with all of the difficulties you have outlined on your own; the children now have an allocated social worker – they are the key worker for the children and should be liaising with all involved – family and professionals alike – to help the children’s situation. It might be a good idea to confirm by email with the social worker when they are next visiting you and the children so that you can go through all the issues; in the email you can set out all the queries and concerns you have including about school. You can highlight that this is quite urgent as the children are struggling a lot. Please see this guide to working with a social worker which may be useful too.
Please see our two advice sheets on welfare benefits for kinship carers and education advice for kinship carers.
The following may also be of interest to you:
Education advice
Parenting and families
Young Minds
Stop it Now.
If you would like to speak to an adviser about your situation then please call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 pm (except bank holidays) or post again on this discussion board with a further query.
I hope this helps.
Best wishes
Suzie
Do you have 3 minutes to complete our evaluation form ? We would value your feedback on the kinship carers’ forum.
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Kekeleelee
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2023 11:21 pm
Re: R.e teenages
Thank you for your reply . Firstly there is no court order in place to state if and when the kids have contact with their mother . Any contact with mother was supervised by myself . Whist my daughter dealt with and found help in regards to her dealing with what happened to her as a child . Socail services weren't involved with her . As she has a younger child (different dad) to the teenagers . When she fought for custody of him she was awarded 50/50 care . Socail services are doing an assessment on my daughter It could well be we both get shared care of the teenagers .. the socail worker didn't have concerns in them staying with mum over weekend . They are due to start there assignment on mother today which I'm not holding my breathe as I've hardly seen anything of her since they came to stay with me .. I've had more help from the socail worker who is assessing me to be a Foster carer then the kids socail worker .thanks again for your reply and I do intend to follow your advice given on my post s
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