Mental Health Awareness Week 2026 – Celebrating Survival

My Version of Celebrating Survival

Today as I celebrate two whole years clean from substances I’m reminded of how far I’ve come but also how much I’ve grown, the people around me, the places I’ve been and the conversations I’ve had.

You see recovery isn’t new to me; it welcomed me back like a prodigal daughter! It’s many answered prayers, many hard tears and painful days. But before we go forward, we must look back; because I had recovery; I had four years and ten days to be exact and I let it go.

Now those of you that knew me or know me now will say “but with all you went through, no wonder you relapsed” but I know my truth and this isn’t a shame; this is insight; one of my many qualities that I don’t always use enough 🙈

Beautiful, painful and powerful experiences

But I digress; so, let’s jump into it…. 2019 was an eventful year… I got baptised, got my eldest daughter back into care and lost her again. I got into another domestic violence relationship and moved into a refuge, my grandad died and I had a heart attack.

I found recovery and got pregnant with my son Isaiah! It was a year of so many beautiful, painful and powerful experiences. 2020 was eventful not just for me but the whole world, I survived lockdown, moved into my own home, celebrated my first year clean, fought to get my daughter back and gave birth to my boy and embarked on the twelve steps.

2021 was a lot calmer, I navigated parenting two little people, celebrated two years clean, moved house again and found out I was pregnant with Noah. I put my step nine into action by making amends to family and introducing them to my two babies. First family Christmas in so long and hope for the future.

2022 started amazingly, found my rhythm as mum to three, turned three years clean, took on more projects as a lived experience parent and found my voice in rooms that used to freak me out. I received an NHS safeguarding award, went back to university and then life happened. Isaiah was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and died shortly before Christmas.

Year of destruction

2023 was my year of destruction, rebirth and rewiring from the outside in. Started the year by burying Isaiah, adjusting to life without him, losing my anonymity and safety in the rooms I once thought were home. The disease got louder, people stopped showing up, my expectations grew and the need to be the woman I was before Isaiah died nearly killed me.

I tried to end my life, ended up on a psychiatric ward and celebrated four years clean because I promised Isaiah I would. When I made that promise I never looked past that day – just knew I had to prove everyone wrong and keep my promise to my boy.

The disease sped ahead of me

Grief was uncomfortable; feeling like carrying my own and others, honesty disappeared, isolation crept in, resentments got bigger, the need to be with Isaiah stronger and then I threw away all I had worked for… I walked hand in hand with the disease, causing inward carnage and then outward.

I pushed people away until the disease sped ahead of me and start dragging me. Isaiah’s first anniversary came and went, and it was heavy, difficult and suffocating to say the least.

2024 was the surrender! I was broken spiritually and emotionally. I spent weeks trying to get clean knowing I would die if I didn’t! Social services got involved and I got scared; I couldn’t lose my kids, and my smartest move was to use again but these times was against my will.

My kids got their mum back

I got a sponsor and a discipler as I knew if I didn’t surrender to God and recovery my children would be burying me. Walked across the stage at London Convention of Narcotics Anonymous and picked up my last white keyring.

My kids got their mum back; I started repairing the damage I had done and became a grateful member of Narcotics Anonymous. I took my babies on their first holiday, my daughter met her dad for the first time, and I knew I was back.

2025 I embraced the new me, the me that had to hold grief, to grow up, to learn to find her voice again. Remember my why and remember why I wanted to be a part of change!

I started occupying space unapologetically, gained the nickname the fire starter 😂, bought the uncomfortable conversations to the floor, defended my existence as a black woman in predominantly white spaces. Isaiah wish CIC was birthed. Took the kids away for Christmas determined that 2026 would be my year!

Faith, love and compassion

2026 started with a bang! I became a wife, choose peace and Jesus, started shedding the shame, hurt and blame and replaced them with faith, love and compassion. Learning that I can’t pour from an empty cup. I’m halfway through my second year of university, I sit on numerous boards; like Family Rights Group parents’ panel, I’m a HOPE mum, I sit on the board for The Izzy Project and the National Kinship Care Ambassador’s Board. Most importantly, my last two babies are getting ready for big changes in their school lives.

Using my voice

And me… I’m using the voice that was once filled with shame and embarrassment, fear and anxiety to empower those that come after me. Our systems need support from those that have lived it and I’ll continue to use my voice; I’ll walk into spaces that once judged me and help change the narrative one professional at a time.

I’ll continue to cry and get choked up because if I can ever walk into those spaces and not feel the big feelings and the motivation to change then I know I’ve become a part of the problem and not the solution.

Two years clean

So on this day, celebrating my two years clean, I embrace my past that bought me here, I thank God for second chances, I’m eternally grateful for places like Family Rights Group; Birth Companions, the Izzy Project and HOPE Mums. And all those that are working on the changes we all need to see and to all those with lived experience; I see you, I adore you and I thank you for sharing your experiences and for those that are thinking about sharing your story or want to impact change…. there’s space for you at the table.