My nan is my mum, dad and everything in between

Hi, my name is Kenya I am 18 years old, and I grew up in a kinship family as a kin child. I lived with my nan as my mum struggled with her mental health and I had a complicated relationship with my dad.  

Today I want to share some of my experiences through the education system. From my earliest age I remember people and teachers knew I lived with my nan, but no one asked why! There were many reasons why I lived with my nan – and I feel that if these had been explained to my school in the same way that a child in foster care’s background is explained to schools, this might have made life easier for me.  

My nan had little or no support handling the chaos of our family issues. Financially we struggled, my nan was isolated, my nan was agrophobic and had OCD. Sometimes I would get upset in class because of all of the things happening in my family. I would just go to the toilet and then go back to class, because I found it really hard to concentrate while I had all of that going on in my head.  

But no one knew, because no one asked. Being a kinship child was not considered in the same way as other looked after children. 

Continuity in the way that children’s services work with ‘looked after’ children 

For example, in my primary school I noticed children in foster care, and that because they were in and out of different foster homes, they had visibly very different experiences from me. I had a permanent home with my nan, who is family, but still looking back, I would have liked the school to understand what was going on at home, at a time when I didn’t have the words to explain for myself.  

In my opinion, there needs to be continuity in the way that children’s services work with kinship families, so that each kinship child’s unique experiences are at least recognised by the education system and can then be managed effectively. 

When I got to high school they also knew I lived with my nan, but still no questions were asked. I struggled academically and emotionally, and I suffered with anxiety. I never felt able to communicate my feelings.  

I felt labelled in school as the problem child, as I jumped from being hypo to quiet and in and out of friendship groups. In English lessons I refused to read as I didn’t want to get my words wrong. 

Recognising kinship family complexities 

In year 11, my support worker from Kinship Carers Liverpool attended a meeting with me, where finally my needs were discussed. The school did some online tests, they established that I may have some learning needs, but then my results were lost just before my GCSE exams. Unsurprisingly, I really struggled with that. I started at college and had to ask for the tests to be done again. It came back I was dyslexic. It shouldn’t have taken all that time to realise that I needed support. 

My college put measures in place that helped me in my first year and I was able to explain a little more about what I needed my tutors to understand both academically and emotionally. I feel it takes time to get to know me. Tutors will often repeat instructions to me, it is not that I have not heard them, it is that I do not understand the instruction, so repeating it in the same way isn’t helpful.  

I think it is important that schools and colleges understand kinship families, they should have training about what kinship is because I don’t want to keep repeating my story, instead I would like teachers to be aware of my situation when they teach me. I feel teachers should understand the complexities around kinship, as this would lead them to a better understanding of the issues that can exist and why it can all become very overwhelming.  

My end goal is to be a midwife. I am currently doing my health and social care level 3 and will apply for university next year. I am happy where I am in my life now. 

Sharing my experiences to support other kin children 

Reflecting back, my nan was my mum, dad, friend and everything in between. She set boundaries and always tried her best. My memories of my childhood are fun – going to the park, playing badminton, swimming, going to the park. Sometimes I don’t know the answers, but I know my nan is there to support me with anything I need to know – and Kinship Carers Liverpool have been here for me too.  

I attended groups when I was younger, and I took part in activities that I wasn’t able to do with my nan. We always spoke openly about kinship care, did memory jars and fun things like that. We also went on residential trips, where I met other children with similar life experiences as me. At 7, I was already campaigning for change with my kinship peers! 

As a teenager, I came back to the group. I joined the teen chat, we set the agenda of our sessions usually around issues of importance to us. We created an animation to raise awareness in schools and worked with the Children’s Commissioner to share this nationally. I’ve also completed peer mentor training and supported newer and younger members of the group, sharing my experiences to make other young people feel less isolated.  

It’s so important to have a safe space and Kinship Carers Liverpool has been mine. I meet new families, but I don’t have to explain my situation as we are all in it together and we have supportive staff who understand our needs.  

Kinship care is not just the fact that we live with family or friends – it’s helping others understand the reasons why that has happened. I don’t want or need to be labelled – I just want to be understood and get support when needed.