Navigating Mother’s Day through grief and gratitude

Kristy’s story

“Recently, I woke up overwhelmed by a mix of emotions—sadness, anger, guilt, and so many others swirling together. Then it hit me—it’s March. March marks the last time I held, touched, or said goodbye to my beautiful girls. With Mother’s Day around the corner, those feelings become even harder to ignore.

Some people think I’m lucky because I still have my 18-year-old son at home. They say, “At least you can celebrate with him.” But honestly, it’s the opposite for me. I feel guilty that my girls are gone, and yet, eight months later, I gave birth to my son. That guilt has followed me ever since, and every Mother’s Day, he’s seen me struggle with my grief. I know I haven’t always been the most receptive when he’s given me gifts or cards. It’s not that I don’t appreciate them—it’s just that guilt and shame sometimes take over, and I can’t always control it.

Mother’s Day grief and guilt

When I think back, I can’t remember a Mother’s Day that I have truly enjoyed. I remember taking my son to a safari park once. We had such a fantastic day—his face lit up as he saw the tall giraffes and fierce lions, the joy in his eyes as he fed some of the animals. His smile told me he was having an amazing time. But inside, I knew something was missing—my girls. I wanted to cry so badly, but I couldn’t break in front of my boy. Mother’s Day was a week away, and it hit me hard. That same night, I cried uncontrollably. I can’t even put into words how I felt. It all went dark very quickly.

I do have some nice memories, thanks to my son, my family, and good friends who put in the effort to make Mother’s Day feel special for me. And, of course, I put on a brave face for them. Over the years, I’ve tried to suppress my emotions, but they always find a way to come out.

It wasn’t until recently, with therapy and the amazing support from PAC-UK, that I’ve been able to learn how to cope with my emotions and triggers. This year, I’m choosing to celebrate all three of my children, whether they’re with me or not. I gave them life, and without that, they wouldn’t be here. For that, I am deeply grateful.

How to navigate complex emotions on Mother’s Day

My advice to anyone struggling this time of year is to prepare in advance. Decide what you want to do and who you want to spend the day with. Talk to the people closest to you and let them know how you’re feeling. And most importantly, take care of yourself.

Mother’s Day is different for everyone, and if it’s a difficult day for you, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to feel joy. And it’s okay to hold space for both.”

Kristy, Family Rights Group parents’ panel member