Grandparents Day 2024 – celebrating special guardians and kinship carers

He calls her his little jumping bean, and his favourite time is when they go to the library together and choose books to read. She likes to be in charge, caring for her toys, making them beds, tucking them in with milk and a biscuit, and arranging where they should all sleep! Lucy is six and lives with her grandparents.   

Ray and Lyn are Lucy’s* grandparents but they’re also – thanks to a special guardianship order – her parental figures. Because Lucy also has a birth mum and dad. But on Grandparents Day 2024 we’re celebrating all the grandparents who are now special guardians or kinship carers, who’ve stepped in to care for children, when their parents weren’t able to, saying a heartfelt ‘thank you and well done’.   

On Grandparents Day 2024 Lyn and Ray tell us how kinship care works for their family

“From the outside it might seem a complicated set up, but we think we’ve explained it in a way that is age appropriate for her. And now, aged six, she’s confident enough to tell other people why she lives with us, her Nanny and Grandad, instead of just having a mummy and daddy like other kids. It wasn’t always like that, though, she did struggle at first when she joined infant school.    

The way that Lucy came to us was unexpected. It was a phone call late in the evening, a shocking dash to collect her and what we could of her belongings from her parents’ house. We knew it was serious, and that she needed our help – and of course we gave it willingly, although we’d only met her a few times before. She was just a tiny baby, eight months old.  

We borrowed clothes and supplies from a neighbour, and the following afternoon the council social workers came to see us and asked if we could keep her a bit longer. Again, we agreed, and they told us that they would have us assessed as emergency foster carers as soon as possible.  

Within two weeks our status was confirmed. This meant that we were able to access the money we needed to buy all the things a little one needs: a cot, a highchair, nappies, all the rest of it. Lucy’s mum had disappeared and her Dad was struggling, so she stayed with us a little longer. A couple of months passed, and then the social workers asked if we would consider having her longer term, becoming her special guardians.  

We just weren’t sure. Ray was in his 70s and I was working part time. We wondered if we could provide what Lucy would need, as we got older. But the council were very definite that if she didn’t come to us, that she would be put up for adoption. Because she was so young and her mum and dad were still not in a place to be able to cope, they felt that this would be the best course of action for her.  

We agreed to become her special guardians. This means that legally we can sign her forms for school and we can make decisions that affect her life. It also means that she has stayed with our family, and she doesn’t lose that legal connection to her parents.  

She still sees her dad, and her mum from time to time. We meet in places that are pleasant for all of us, museums, parks, sometimes McDonalds. Like many six-year-olds, Lucy loves a meal of chicken nuggets! For us though it’s not a traditional grandparental visit or treat, because she’s now our little girl.” 

“Caring for Lucy is a joy, most of the time. She’s such a chatty little thing and I love encouraging her to really get into the stories we read together, hoping that she’ll see what an escape books can be, as we sit and turn the pages.  

One of my main worries is that I can’t do all the physical things she needs – but that’s where her extended family come in. I retire to the subs bench while my son and his kids ride round the track with her or head off for a game in the park. It’s lovely that she is so surrounded with people that love her. If we hadn’t taken her on as special guardians, it’s unclear where she would have ended up.  

Taking on this role hasn’t always been plain sailing, but we consider ourselves to be the lucky ones. Our social workers have always kept us involved and made our options for care clear. The emergency foster carer status followed by a special guardianship order means we have always been financially supported and feel recognised for our involvement in Lucy’s life. It feels very wrong to say that the money makes all the difference – but prior to Lucy, we were settled in a one bed flat, quite happily living within our means. Without council assistance we would not have been able to afford to have her. As it was, we still had to move home to be able to accommodate Lucy properly, and that remains a cause of anxiety as we get older.  

Still, by all accounts, other social workers are not as straightforward to work with as ours, and we feel that the standards of care between local authorities can vary so greatly. That’s why we strongly support FRG’s call for recognition for kinship carers in law and appreciate the courses and other events that we’ve attended since welcoming Lucy into our lives full time. They’ve signposted us to learning on how to help a child with trauma, how to navigate the legal system and pupil premium plus, just for starters.  

My little jumping bean. Still on the scene, still happy, still ours. Being a grandparent kinship carer is tough, but it’s so worth it.”